The Andy's

Never The Same

2006-12-11T22:51:00.000-05:00

SO by know the Holidays are just consuming the things we are doing. I, have have to admit that I'm making my own cards again this year. That is something that I like doing with Sandy. But I really like doing that anyway. So I tried making a Pop-Up card this time. They are only going out to the ones that send me one. Or close people that I see all the time. that would send me one. They are a pain to do. The the cool factor is way high!!.

Monty is doing ok today. He eat well and drank some tuna water. witch my me happy. Cause when that stops, I have do what I don't whant to do.

The photo is of Foot getting into act of opening presents and Mily Way helping too. Sandy was the center of my holisdays. And the kids made it more special. Even so the could not talk, we could tell the where having fun with us. Chasing paper. Monty was the only one that actuly got up into the tree one year. Just once he did that. And Tonight I remembered he got into the dryer just once, before we tuned in on. He'd alway like to burry him self in fresh warm chothes from the dryer. Or if their was a "lump" in the bed, better check to see if was Monty first. Most likely it was.

I'm not doing a tree this year, I want to put Up my Angles I made last year up. that is about it. Oh, My blue lights outside with a Angle shadow is sonething I thought up.

But I just to upset at times to do any of the fun things we did. I put on a mask to myself when I try to have fun, or laugh. Cause I end up cryng right after I do laugh. ANd with Monty the way he his, just hurts to much. Time for meds so I will do really do this some more.

The Hard Things I Have To Do

2006-12-09T23:26:00.000-05:00

Just realizing that I wake everyday, I do have thing I have to do that are just exteramly hard. I still that voice to "take care of the kitties". I don't know if I posted it here or not. But Foot the Orange and white tabby, Sandy's oldest son. Her was her protector. Foot was always by her side. I think now that is the reason why I have so amy pictures of Sandy now, because Iwas taking them of Foot for her when he passed on. How strange. I have more pictures of Sandy that most couples with out real kids. He helped me in the first year. Foot was a 14 years when Sandy passed. I had hoped that he would last a long time. Well he will because he is on my tattoo with Sandy. S0me say they are pets, but the pets we have were ours and only ours. Foot had came to cancer. He had a skin cancer, but he got it bad on the inside, he was not eatting at all. So On August 4th 05 I had to put him down. The vet was very sorry, and she helped make adrangement for me. I had cremated and still have some of his remains onmy key ring. and the rest is out with Sandy, his Mom.

Monty sits proudly next to one of our trees for the holidays. He was the fisrt down the hall and meet Foot first from Milky Ways's litter. I remember the night that I came up with a name for him and is sister that we were keeping of the four. I looked at him and saw a "M" on his face and he became Monty. And his sister. Emily. Monty was my boy when Sandy was a sleep of outside. He loves to be held. We thought he was deaf when he was kitten. but he was being a himself. He is just the kind of companion to have 24/7.

Last week, I notoced something NOT right. I took him in and found out that he has thoat cancer. NOT GOOD. This week has be very painful. Just a super wreck. I almost played Speed racer on I270 last week. I really did not care about anything truly. My kid are dying! That only thing I have living from when Sandy was here with us. And if you didn't know. The most troubling thing is that I had to tell the doctors to turn off the machine on Sandy too. Now you know what all this bring back.

I don't pity, I want to have people be them as I knew them before. I know what I can and can't do. I know that I have to di something. But if refuse to. What dose that make me. A crazy old man, that became of nothing after his love of life passed away? Well sort of.. I'm very complacant to just to keep the things as they were. And that includes our kids. There might be a time that I can dosomething postive, but I just rather wait and see what the outside world show me. Right now I don't like it much out there. The attuids of people are just so hard to read. I have some new friends that were a easy read. And I cherrish them dearly. I can't say that I wish I had meet them sooner, but I do. I think of the cometian that has to laugh. The ones that he makes laugh think he is weird when he had to laugh. Same gose with me. I very depressed. and when I can't drag my self to return calls or chat it up, I'm not being distance, I'm just being the Randy that they don't know.

I will miss Monty very MUCH. He was always with me. And his ways will never be copied. Those what I have to remember, and try to find quialties of him later. Keeping in mind that they are going to be diffrent, and have there our things they do. But love them just as much.

You Just Don't Know

2006-10-04T22:11:00.000-04:00

I feel that the days are really a mess at times. I still have the feelings that Sandy will be home any moment now. The antisapation is what is the key here. But why, I don't know any more than I did last year at this very period. Sandy would have been 41. But, always my 28 year old. I do find that the memories of things that happend to us that I would not have normaly remebered are comming back as I converse with other people. I still say 'we' as in Sandy and I. I'm not afraid to say to people that my day is rotten. and most times it is.

I still learning what to do around here at home. I kind of kept track of things this past year for the heck of it, and to wonder what it is like to be alone.

Sandy, are you ready?

"I guess, you are a goof"

In one summer of 2006 mowed lawn 10 times.
in the last year I've used 12 large cans of coffee. that is about 1 pot everyday even on weekends.
I had approx. case and half of beer at the house, total
13 rolles ot tp
gone full blown shopping at Kroger 4 times.

I thinks the time passing is a circle of monents that I have to try to find the next dot to carry on.

One YEAR!!!! :-(

2006-08-28T00:01:00.000-04:00

Wow, I realy can't beleave that it has been 365 days. To tell you the truth, It's only been a couple of weeks. I'm in a stae of depression. I Know I can have here back in this life time. So, I made up my mind to work to have here back at a later time. Now that is a untimate goal. I will try to do the best I can, I my slip up, but My love for Sandy is as strong as ever. I realy miss her bad. Real Bad!

Sandy was the BEST wife and best friend to me. Some of the people I have not seen in a year, nor have they stopped by. I gave up on the phone. I realy don't want to talk on the phone. Alot of things we had talked about and have done in the life we had are comming back with every momnet. those thought will never leave me.

And with the peice I put in the paper, needed to be said. I gave them ( Sandy's family ) apple time to male some sort of positive contact with me. No Dice on there part. So, I put it out their so they can crew on it for awhile. Just self centered, non compasiante (sp).

'Sandy, I have learned quite a few new things, of coarse, i'd rather have not had to, but none the less I needed to. You said many times 'what would I do with out you?'. I offten wondered myself. The sad and truthful part, this had Never should have happened. They can put a man on the moon, we could have fixed this. I know I can't dwell on that part of this path now, but it's like a bad cup of coffee, the ligering taste can make you for get what your having with it. I know alot of things that I need to do. I have strived to make them happen. One I have found new freinds from the Pontiac car world. That really makes me proud of myself. And I completed the goal of getting the 69 GP up to the Woodward event. Now, I can do more things around here at the house.

time to leave for work have to go.'

It's been a while??

2006-06-13T23:26:00.000-04:00

Although, I have not been writing that much, it's not because lack of of thought. I can say I have been better. It realy bothers me that "I got to do" this and that. I don't have to anything. I know that my freinds and are suffering to. But this time I soon not be the center of attention. I have no back bone and being a third wheel is not my way. I never have befor felt the sence to put myself on some one. I figured it's there choice. For a simple exsample. I always say morning to the people that I had worked with. It was just a nice way for me to say, hey. Or, how was your weekend? I'd thought if I would do this, some would get it that I would like to have this asked apon me, or having the simple greeting from them first. It don't happen. In 99.9% of the time it dose not happen. Then, I have banked on many comments to me by many. It's hard for me to do anything with out just being "kidnapped" I guess I have to learn to walk again, and I can't do it by me self. And althoug all have there own lives to live, I must teach myself to live agian. And in the mean time, try to get all the things done I must do to keep up on the daily stuff going.

I still need to rescan some photos of Sandy for the master set can be put in a safe place. Amust other things. I should just be strapped to this mac and "Get-ur-done".

Stick and Ball vs Engine and Wheels

2006-04-03T21:42:00.001-04:00

You have to wonder how some like the stick and ball sports and some like the "Engineered" sports. i.e. motor sports. Not just Nascar, i'm taliking F1, Rally, Sports cars, Datona Proto Types, IRL, Champ car, Outlaw sprints, MotoGP, AMA Super Sport, Flat track, Speedway, Trials, Motorcross, Supercross, and all the local tracks with the same passion for racing lawn mowers to snowmobiles on grass.

That is alot of people!!

Just on the same comperason, from the 'school yard' saying "takes one to know one". You have to be 'one' of something to know the other is. This is true with the hurt I have been dealing with. I had a kind of a moment. From the inertangable numbers down to one. Kind of a needle in a haystack. I meet this dude that was riding a 74 harley that he and his 'ol lady' has been just about every where with it, or I should say on it. It was at consert that I recently attended. Come find out, I kind of knew something was up, His wife passed oct 05. We is in the same shape as me. And we have kind the same rules as I do. I know I meet him again. So, that brings me back. I need to find my own way on this deal. If that takes me to others we the same pain as I, I will go.

Although, I feel like the picture of Sandy. A vast mountains are out there, I don't know if I'm up for the challange or not. But this photo was taken at Oregon and Washington state line, near a small town of Goldendale, WA. I caught Sandy taking a panoramic video of the land. As we were sharing the veiw.

(I'm not done with this post. will contuinue.)

OverHauling

2006-03-28T22:44:00.000-05:00

I need something. But I don't know what. How dose that grab you. Sandy, I remember how you would ask if we wanted to 'walk about the block?' or how you would want to do something but just did know what. Stuck. But you always found something to get you going. I need something. I just now know how much you hated being alone. I just that. I might take a call, then I might not, it just depends. Lately no, i don't want the easy way out by calling. So I just might not do the phone for awhile.

How I miss your concerns, your sound, your smell (remember, I always smelled your neck as I was trying to kiss you), your laugh, you, just you. I really don't have any thing to loose. I thought I was just saying that to give me a reason to try something new. But I'm now sure I REALLY DON'T HAVE anyhthing to loose. As far anything that might matter.

I could be with by the next sunrise. I'm sure the kids would wonder. But I really do wonder if i'm going soon stop. BUT on the other hand, if I don't...... am I able to funtion? I often wonder. It feel like i'm just going thought the motions and _boom_ time to go to bed, and do it all again. Is that right?? I mean IS that really right??? Is this what love dose to people when one is gone?? I think so. It's that strong. It can make me think if my heart will beat another time before I wake. I'm surprised every morning when I do wake. Sounds kind of morbid, but I am. I have to do it again.

I do miss you Sandy, I truely love you with all my being on this earth. I wish you well untill that time.
Your Randy Forever

Everything Is A New

2006-03-26T23:08:00.000-05:00

In this part of the USA, spring is finaily showed up to play. Sandy your flowers are coming up where you put them. I might have to make some adjustments because the tree is now just an image to us. I think I put my finger on why I'm so depressed. It's spring and I don't have you here with me, when everything is a new.
So, in honor of that, I got you a new latern. Layed out 6 bags of nice potting soil, re raked out your space. Took out the big clumbs of stuff and rocks. Then I came home and did some work around the yard.Trimmed out the tall grass plant. I think I should brake it up some this time around. It's really big. I'm going to some homework on the rest of the plants you have. I don't want to mess them up. I seen where you put the poppie seeds from last spring. It will be nice.
I also had Earl fix my eshaust leak. It was a flang on the pipe that needed a bolt. It runs alot better now. I wish you could see this car. I'm going to show it as a survior. Just as it is. it that nice. So by going up there is was a good day. I'm in pretty bad shape. I hope I get out of this slump. Mom has be not much help. But she dose not what do either. It would have just been nice for her to come over. It's not that far. But oh well, you know don't you. You always knew. It was just you and me. That is what I and i'm sure you always wanted. Now this adrangement is the pits. I know that things will be better when we are together again. You know what I said, and I'm going to sick to it. Sweety, your all I ever wanted, and I plan on keeping it that way.

On a good note!! Emily has been coming up to me while I out watching t.v. She is letting pet her and she is reaching out to me. I was floored when she came up on my chest and layed down. It's been more than 7 months since she has done that, SoI thought this photo of you and her would be a good one.

Wish me a good week at work, It's been a rough one last week. But I still have a job. And I'm learning a ton. I mis you very much, love always and for ever.

What am I doing???

2006-03-23T21:52:00.000-05:00

I have to ask my self all the time. "What Am I Doing?" It's been 7 months since Sandy became an angel. It's only like a few days ago. As I said before Time is different now. I really don't think I can even tell you what I am doing let alone plan anything. I do know I just rather sit in the middle of no where and be content. I noticed I did that when I pulled in the driveway, just sitting with no apperent thought process going on, just in a daze.

I think of things I should do, or would like to do. But when I comes time, I don't have the desire to any thing. For exsample. I want to drive either the 76 gp or the 69 gp. But, I find all the negitive things that I shouldn't do that task. Ever move three car out of the drive by yourself, it's not as easy as you might think.

In the picture, Sandy had the look of the question at hand. I see that image as well as her every expression every second of the day. It's a major hurdle to anything around here of a practal purpose. Beside cleaning up my messes. I have a few, only a few things that need tidded up. But not bad. Like I said earlier, Its like, why am I here when I don't want to be. I'm not doing any good. I like I might, but am I? Just a very depressed person. you can't argue that. It might be a while befor I see the 'better side' of things.

Sandy? Yes, I do have a bit of good news! Emmiy is getting up on me while i'm on the futon! I find my self setting right where you are in the snap shot, or standing at the hallway. But she came up and reached out for me. I was very moved.

I miss you so much, I know you are as I'm missing you. Hang in there Randy I know you can you do it. But honey, The problem is that I don't want to. I rather just have the world be gone now and we can hang out again. Are there any signs that I can have to help? I'll see what I can do for you. You sleep like a rock, so the dream thing is not going to work, right? :-), I'll work on somethign for you, OK? Ok hon, I need something, just anything.

love you always

Our Kind of Place

2006-03-15T23:06:00.000-05:00

You know that all things have there place. All people, seems that they have a calling. Well, if this is not a calling I dont what is. Just a bit of humor.

As I was watching my car shows tonight. I thought how my boys of the Cat varity came to accept me with Sandy way back when we went one our one date. I know they deep care about me as I do them. I wish I could do more for thwm nut I realy try to give them as much as I can. as two of them are watching my fingers move on the key board want to play.

I must find some joy is this cycle.

feel like.......not being here anymore

2006-03-13T23:29:00.000-05:00

i've been really down these past couple of days. may be the pain of just going through my day to day stuff is getting me down. or the excitement of getting the rear veiw mirrors printed at work. or the fact i have a contitdition with a couple of my kids. (cats). But what ever it is. its not good. the days are filled with the pain of being her just waiting. waiting for what? i don't want to wait my turn any more. i almost feel that i need to just get closer to her. but, then again i would always get directions to the place we were going two exit before i needed to. so, what dose that tell you? I read the back chapters first in a book? well sort of.

Just when ourlives were going they way we wanted then, You know we were in it for the long haul. But WE got held up. I think the biggest thing is that I could not "fix it". It was ME, that was to care of her. I WOULD HAVE, IF I KNEW. And that just is eating at me bad. I read that they have these lastest and greatest procedures to "fix" the problem. BUT If you didn't know, or should I say, IF I didn't know, how could I do anything. Looks like a catch 22. Now Do I blame. I have and I will. They have to live with to. Sandy and had the life to each other. I had someone ask me 'how long were you married?' I replyed 'a life time'. they was taken back by the reply, but the said 'your right'. And we were a life time together.
I just have to get over this low and see what happens. I think being selfesh is not going to help matters.

I got the first print of the "KNOW YOUR BRAIN" hangers. They look great. so get you $1.00 bills out. I'm asking for that as a donation. ANd if checks are needed, Make them payable to the BA Foundation/Sandy Vancil.

I love life, but not as much as before. I have my life as an angel.

The oicture from one of our christmass's. with a benny baby look-a-like milky way. whom is right next to Sandy

Help When I Can

2006-03-12T18:22:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you just have to say, "I can Help?" not only in passing, but act them out to help when needed. After I got news of a good friend spot. I thought I'd better try to say sonething to his wife that would help her in her own hell of drinking heavly. After multi hospital visits, I thought I can try to do something. We do have something in common. She lost her first husband to a eletric high voltage line. So, I had to write a letter to her. I got word today that it might help. I had to try something to have her try to help her self.

Spring is coming. Going to have to start working the flower beds. It's going to be a learning curve. Kind of nervious about working on them.

Went ot Akron, Ohio Saturday. Joe Bonamassa was on his Ohio swing of his current tour. I will not be able to go when he comes back for this summer. So, I went. It was a trip. I got there, and they were sold out. I got some help and was able to score a ticket. The venue was not what I call the best place to a show. Maybe a dinner show. Not a concert. I took my cameras, so I'll see what turns out, and will post.

This picture of Sandy, says it all. Sandy is way stronger that I will ever know. I miss her so much. I still struggle on a daily process. This photo was taken up in western New York. We were on our way to a World Round trials event at Watkins Glenn.

The days are getting long also, So things are getting push back also. That would be eatting dinner. It was funny. we would eat dinner really late. because we would be soing stuff outside durring the long summer weekends. I hope I can get through it.

I Love My Sandy

Will I Run Out??

2006-03-09T22:16:00.000-05:00

Besides getting all cranked up from the years of Biketrials, my sight is getting just as bad. I need new glasses. Not just the lens, but the frames too. There is some bucks. The doctor didn't know about Sandy. SO I told him. Then in the coarse of the exam. He said my tear ducts are drying up. I said I cry everyday. Is that why? I guess not. SO Now I have to get some stuff to have drops. Heck I dont know. I wonder if I will? THEN tonight I was going the G.S. cookies, and I eat part of mt dental work. A small wire, that was about an hour ago, and its traveled about 10 inches, Its got a long way to go.

I didn't mention yesterdays photo. It was taken in 2001 we we wnt out for Sandy's brithday. It was at DonPoblios. They came out and put that googfy hat on her. Todays photo was taken at better times with Sandy's family gatherings. But, you can tell were on. Sandy had that karma that you didn't what to stray to far from her. Granted I had my Car time. But I always tried to be close to Sandy. I know that she knew that I always was with her, as she was with me, you can just tell, can't you?

Sandy is always with me and I with her.
Love you hon

Let's Get Going Again!!!

2006-03-08T05:17:00.000-05:00

I'm going to jump right in and get started here. Back in January I was really intent to find a new job, As I said before. And that is going well. But I can't help but think that I didn't have help on getting the postition. Then I must admit, I think I've had on many things happen with help. But the same is true, it dose not get any easyer in dealing with a loss of my life. It's the same as everyday. I'm still awaking alone, and now I come home alone. The first day of my new job was the worse. I have had friends to go out with me, but that at best only takes the edge off for a short time. But I know it dose help. It's not as often as one would think, 5 am comes around early.

The house is NOT a wreck. I've been doing good on this part. But man, it's never endding. Every time I turn around, I'm cleaning up something. Weather I did it or not. I hear You Sandy!!!!

You know, I really beleave that some people know what might happen to them as other don't. I think back on the things Sandy had said to me. It all comes to mind thaat its almost like she knew. As much I hate to say it, It's weird. Well I'm glad she did. Because the big one did come true. The comment she make to me about her her Mother. That was ( I don't know why I'm writing this, I'll never for get it ) 'If anything happens to me, watch my Mother'. I'm glad she said that to me. Because I had to address the Probate court of Franklin County. To have MY Sandy in a safe place untill I join her. The plt where Sandy was located was NOT my first chioce. Then I wanted the deeds. It was not going to happen after the BENCH showed up. I wanted it removed since I had no pior knowleage of it in the first place. I went to the city council meeting to have them remove it. It was on city walkway. But it got moved, not to my satifaction. And with the traffic around the the space, it was bad.

I had asked for help if I should move her or not. I asked for a Falcon to fly east and or west within four days, if I should have us moved. Well, I had one fly right in front of me within 15 min. I did my homework, and I had the right to see fit. I was not going to let her Mother do that. And even, to this day, I have not heard a peep from them. Thats ok. They have to live with the fact that Sandy would have been very upset!!.So, it is just Me and Teri as Sandy's family. I found a real nice quite cemetery in Worthington Ohio and purchased two plots for us. I still have my "coffee time". It is very nice. I can be peace as Sandy is.

My new job is going good. I had a question for the owners wife today. About getting the plackers printed at Hopkins. She is going to make it happen.

More later.

Note blogger has been messing up so I might be not allow to post. And I have to get this key board adjusted for my goofy style of typing.

Love you Sandy

This is a Warning!!!!!!! :)

2006-03-05T23:22:00.000-05:00

I have my new Mac mini, The System is X-1.4 SO I'll will be posting again started!!! With pictures. I have alot to catch up on. And I have to get used to this new keyboard.

almost posting time again

2006-02-24T06:57:00.000-05:00

I'm just about to start posting again. I have a new Mac Mini to load up. Many changes for the work station room.
Randy

A NEW CHAPTER!!!!

2006-01-23T22:28:00.000-05:00

I will be taking a break from this normal post regument. Althought I need to have a Mac os x system at home.

I have a new postion at Hopkins Printing here in Columbus. I'll be working DAYS once again. As I said to Sandy, let us wait one year than I'll change. Well. I got this job three days after the one year frame.

I know I had help. Sandy's Help.

I know that I can be with my freinds and family again to help me make this transision to some sort of normal life that I now have.

BUT!!!!!!!! I must say sweetie, I'm the most sad that You are not here with me to enjoy it. I hear your voice, doing your "yepee" and your hugs. I turely love you for ever. I just wish other would know that I do.

- Randy, your a very talened person, you can do this, I have the faith you can. You have our kids and home to take care of. I love you very much, and you will not fail me now, nor have you ever. I'll be with you as you do what you do, I love you very much. Don't worry about me, as I can wait. You are worth it. As you know I'm am to you. Just remember. I DO...I DO...I DO...

Thanks Sweetie!!. I miss you very much. I'm going to see Nana this week and then finsh up things around the house. I just can't hardly imagin how happy would be it you were here. And I be posting soon. Jim is going to help me. And Lora, is going to watch the kids.
Talk to you in a few days.

Love always and forever

Randy

Are All Things Aligned?

2006-01-19T22:02:00.000-05:00

Have I'd thought that the following would happen with in a few days, I would have said No Way!

1) One week ago I found an ad in the paper for a 85 Pontiac Grand Prix V6 2bbl. low milage, clean and very nice looking. Lt Blue w/ blue interior - Sandy's Favorit color
2) Also, the owner said he was glad I got the car.
3) While cleaning it last weekend I found a Angle x-mass tree decoration in the car.
4) In the same paper seen another ad that strikes me as a new channel for my work with the BA Foundation.
5) It's been a year for me on the 2nd shift stent
6) I look up this morning while doing coffee, I'd thought how the sky is so blue. almost matches my
car, then - OMG, The car is the same color as Sandy's current bed.
7) Found the build sheet for this 1985 Grand Prix, The build day on it is 08/06/85. Those numbers ad up the day in August for the last weekend we had together. 27

Now I know i'm having help here!! DO you think so????

Enough said for now.

Thank You Sweety
Love U!!!

The' Space

2006-01-18T22:12:00.000-05:00

"Space is the Final Fronteer" as Capt. Kirk said. I do find myself looking up more these days. How about any one that might surf across this Blog. I see birds fly free, clouds move across the horizon during the day and middle of the night. I look for the stars that shine bright. I try to get the engery from them. It dose give me a some confort. Thats what I like, the small little simple stuff. I get more joy out of things like that anymore. Even if I did a nice job running the sweeper. Sandy, liked the little things, i'm sure she still dose :-). Even the sight of "My Girls" from the photo. This was taken very early in our home.

The space is away to escape the gravity. I like that feeling also. Knowing in my heart, i'm not here with the termoil of my life. I don't want to escape by doing dump stuff. That kind of actions would make it harder in the long run.

So, it's the Barrett-Jackson Collector Auction is on SpeedTV. If you are a Car person and like seeing a good auction, check it out. Last year we watched every car cross the block together. Last night I had seen a 1965 Mustang fast back go for $32,000. I had a tear fall, knowing that was Sandy's car. I still can't swing that if it were in boxes.

It was bad out today for coffee time. Only the second time I was in a snow storm. I was toasty thou. My trusty Coleman heater!!

Love you alway Sandy

Randy

Dose Life Really Go On?

2006-01-17T20:37:00.000-05:00

AT this point I really don't think that the term "Go On" is all that really approate with me. As I said to Sandy many times, and have mention it on this blog, 'it's a one person job'. That is what I have really have been doing with the work schudule I have. NOTHING againest those whom have stopped by and I have visited, but just in general. This is a ONE PERSON HELL. I can't help the fact that I have, and will aways have this hole in my heart for MY Sandy. Yup she was mine, as I was to her. We were for EACH OTHER, period! You know Sandy said, she wanted me to be happy. I'm "happy" knowing that we had each other for the best 10 years 4 months 7 days and some change as a married couple here on this Earth. And NO ONE can EVER take that away from Sandy and I, NO ONE.

What brought this on? Because I wanted to type it out in lite blue and dark lite blue. Really, because I just don't think other people don't get what I'm going through. It may be a loss to them, and that is bad. But when it's a man and woman come together as one and this loss happens, it is at least half of you is gone too.

For those of you that know me, I'm sorry I have not written or called. It is like i'm sorry im going in circles around here.

So, another thing CHRISTMAS IS OVER. Time to remove all light and decorations. Sandy and I had our down by New Years day night, or the next day.

On the photograph:
Ok, I had thought I only had one photo of Sandy with a hat on, well I was wrong. I found this one from a United States AMA motorcycle trial event we went to in Tenn. Where they are having a World Round. We were laughing because, 1) Sandy had a hat on 2) we were prepaired for the rain, but we was not expecting it to be darn right cold too. We didn't say that long. We were frozen.

Right Sweety!! -Yes that was a trip alright, one of these times your going have to tell the story on the way back home from Mark & Lori house when the Ice Storm hit.

Nighty night Randy
Night Sweety

Two Things....

2006-01-16T18:00:00.000-05:00

There are two things I want to type, so I will not forget. (I wouldn't even if I didn't post them here.)
Well this weekend I was cleaning up the 85 GP. That in it self is at least a two day job, for me. But it was only round one. I have alot to do before I'm happy with it. But this was a start. While cleaning out the inside of the car. I found a christmas tree stamped Angle in the car....
Then the other thing, I have been seeing alot of my bird laterly, those whom know, know. Today I had the 85 car on my coffee time. And out of no where it looked like it was coming stright at me from the north/northwest. Hewas about 6 foot off the ground, I was ready to duck or catch it. Then it flicked it's tail and 15 feet away it veared to it's left. Just missing me by 5 feet, and about 4 feet off the ground. And hung out a spell in the tree branches behind me for about 3 min or so. That was cool. But with the Angel together, it was awesome.

Now about this photograph:
Sandy and I always tried to take the unbeaten path, when we could. Backroads and things like that. See previous post on this matter. So, one time we were coming back from a Biketrial event and took US Rt. 30 all the way across PA. Starting in the Hershey area, to New Straton. Prior to this stop we stopped and seen a Covered Bridge. This is in Bedford county PA. Looking back, we should have taken a even closer look at this structure. You'll find out why by clicking on the links provided.

http://www.lhhc.org/content/subpag/ship.htm
http://www.brianbutko.com/LH/LHmedia/LH-cvr.jpg
http://www.roadfan.com/grandpt.html
http://www.agilitynut.com/eateries/13.html

The winter has been a kind one. As last week was. So, I said what the heck, I would have a fire in the pit on the deck last night. I got rid of a few 'all nighters' that I couldn't stack. I have to admit, the fire starter logs are nice for a good start of nice looking fire.

You know Sandy, I have no rest. Last night I went to bed at 1:33 am. Got up early to take care of the kids, and went back to bed. Now the plan was, for them to chill out after I got them taken care of, you would think!!! Nope!!! Not your son. He appertly didn't like what he got, so he was clawing me back up! Then Monty, is just as bad. You know how he would lay on me? He has taken up getting his paws on my neck and face. And Foot, has got that down pat. Then, at times, still like a hurd of horses running around. But I do try to smile. I hear you in me as they do things around the house.

Shades of the Sunset

2006-01-13T18:39:00.000-05:00

There are many times I look out when the sun is setting and just admir the grandness of the colors we can see at that time of the Earth's rotation. It's really amzing of the colors we can see. The rock Sandy is setting on is one that we call "Foot's Rock" the shades of orange and white are just like Foot. At times, it was like camo when he would lay up on it while watching Sandy work in the garden bed it boarders. The only thing I can't figure out, what was I doing with my camera? Sandy would have to fetch her kids if we were going any where. They would not listen to me at all. I would have to wait in the car or, hide so she could round them up.

Yesterday it was VERY mild. 58 degres. So, I was getting some things cleaned up around the driveway, I had Foot out with me. I was watching him. It looked like he was getting ready to make a mound. Whats a "mound"? what cats do in the flower bed. Sure enough, I just smiled and laughed, then he wanted in. One of these days I'll have write how Foot knew that I was the one for Sandy.

I'm keeping some promises that I made back in July with Sandy. So, that is seems to be good. I think i'm making progress. Although, I was quite emitional prior and then after. Not sure, but I was doing something that Sandy knew that I was going to do brought it on.

Last night didn't post, scanner PC was down. Then, we were down, so, I had to make adrangements to get the new car. Well, new to me. I was working on it untill 4.10am. That reminds me. When we went to Carlise PA for the all GM SHow. I asked Sandy if she wanted to sit with me as I polished my 76 GP. four hours later, Sandy only lasted a hour. She asked me if if this 'what I did when I waxed it?' Yes! if it needs it. Well, this 85 GP I got now, last night was only Round One!! I will do it again untill the engine is clean. Then again with I move on to some areas I didn't last night. For exsample, I will do the trunk and re work the interior this weekend. Not that I did a bad job, it's that it needs to 'right', so I have to keep redoing untill all areas are cleaned up.

I couldn't spend any time with You today, just a few. The joint was packed. -You know Randy, I'm not a good backer upper. Will I see that it is a little tricky in your Jeep. -See!!! I knew it!!! Well when I backed up to leave, I had to watch careful not run off drive. Now that I have a car to drive again. I have to say. I feel guitly driving your Jeep. I will if I have to. But, I'm keeping it for you. -Thanks Honey!! I always love My Jeep. I'm getting some things ordered for it to get it back where it needs to be.

So Sandy, I'll try to have a safe weekend, going up to Wayne's to watch some football. And thanks for the vote of confidence.

I MISS YOU SOOOOOO MUCH. I love you

ME to Randy :-(

Not Enough Hours

2006-01-11T23:00:00.000-05:00

Truely We lived are lifes as one, Randy & Sandy or Sandy & Randy. We were just one. Now that it is just one. I don't have enough hours in the moons cycle to complete everything I need to do.
Including this blog. Although, I have a full plate now. If I get 1/3 of what I need to do done, it's a productive day.

Things will smooth out i'm sure. I know now how we did things so well, not that it is me.
Love You, Sandy

Long For Blue Skyes

2006-01-10T22:14:00.000-05:00

We've all heard of the truly dentrimental condidtion of the "Winter Blues". Well here in central Ohio, althrough it's NOT freezing, it's over cast. So, things can get a lot mondain with me. But when they (clouds) open up to show me the slender of the prettiest blue skys, I get a cetain peace about myself.

So, I finaly understand why Sandy always like the color blue. Her Jeep in a blue, we did our kicthen has blue, blue glass displayed, it just has the hue of peace. I thought I would join that plan in my own way. I bought another car. -YOU DID WHAT!!!??? Randy!!!!!!What are you going to do with this one!!!And why!!?? Now wait!!! You know I'm selling the Black 86 Grand Prix. Right? -Yes Well that one has issues, beyond my means. And I want something to putt around town in, and something that gets better gas mileage. So now I'll sell the black one for waht I paid for this one and maybe more. I furgure the GP count is just about even. If I take the trans out of the blk on before I sell and switch it with the one I just got I would be even! -What did you pay for it? Wait again, 1985 Pontiac Grand Prix -Well I kinda figured that! 2 owner, 70,000 miles, V6 2bbl, power locks, rear window de icer, cruise that works, A/C works but need charged, bucket seats, light BLUE with Blue 1/2 vynle top, BLUE interior. You know I got a deal on it. -You've better!!! where are going to put this one, smarty paints?? In the drive. I'm not going to be driving your Jeep any more, so I wont 'mess it up'. Even so I have been careful, I don't want to put miles on it that I don't have to. And, going to fix it up some more. -OK, your lucky. So eles what is up?I would like to see a movie. Thinking of taking Lora and Jim, or Gary and Tracy. It's a motorcycle movie. "World Fastest Indian" it looks cool, and it's a true story!!

-And I have to ask, why did you put this picture of fresh out of the shower with Monty on here? Because, your my Sweety!! And I love you. It was before we /you did the front garden, and the windows and paint on house.
See!!! Love ya

Your With ME!!!

2006-01-09T22:46:00.000-05:00

This is the first time this was photographed. My memoral art work of Sandy. Lori took this photo in GA. (thank you). And the color was a gift from our dearest friends. (Thank You, again).
I had this done a while ago, Sept. I think. I said I would post it.

After doing some homework, and asking many people with ink, I found Julie Edwards. Julie and I found ourselfs in a small world. As we discussed the formation of this tattoo, found out we live on the same street. We thought that was cool. I did some work on the photo of Sandy to bring out all the features to give julie as much to work with as possiable. I have seen some portait ink, that I would have gone right to the doc to have it removed. So, I new Julie could do it with no problem. Two sessions and 8 hours later. Sandy Your With Me!!

- I bet your hurting?
Nope. Just because I split all the wood, and in total stacked 3 times. The last time I think you had something to do with it!! -Nope Are you sure? Because I was coming up from the shed and the 50% of the stake on the side door fence line came down. So, I had to stake it a third time. But in doing so, it strechted out my back, and by the time I came in and got in a hot bath, I was good!! So the last was really good for it. You know I shot some Pool Sat? -You couldn't shoot very good. Ywah I know. I was hurting then. Only did one rack. Then was in bed by 1:30am.

I'll tell you Sweety, when you said Foot was smart ( well, me too ) we was not kidding!! You know he tells me when I should go to bed, check the box, when to get up, when he's hungary, makes sure I'm warm enough. It's like when he gets in bed with me, he wants to get close as possible. Milky is do for her hair cut, You know what I mean, Right? -Yes, you just have to be fast, she will not hold still. And make sure you have enough light on in living room. It hard to see if you don't get the sides even, you don't want her looking goofy.Ok, that is some help. Talk about putting presure on me!!

Oh, I forgot, Jim came over and we kind of figured that if I have a deck pit fire every Sat, nite I have enough wood for 3 years at 6 logs per fire!!

Sandy, -Yes? I love You -I love you to
see ya later nighty, nite

What Comes Around-Goes Around

2006-01-05T23:59:00.000-05:00

Sandy's Beloved Foot!!! What can I say!! Do you know he lets me know when it time to go to bed, change the box, when to get up, when it's to cold. He is my helper!! He always helped Sandy, As he is her Protector. I just can't beleave how smart he really is.

I'm going to do this story just to so I can finally tell someone about OUR Foot....
But you'll have to wait untill Friday.

Love You Sweety
Randy

New Day, Yesterday

2006-01-04T22:12:00.000-05:00

As I have been a member of a few internet groups, to me, the common thing is that we (I) have to 'carry on'. Now I'm not saying 'Move On'. That is totally different. But 'Carry On' is a beast in itself. For those whom might not know, it's a struggle just to get up from a restless night of sleep. That is why I say New Day, Yesterday. I want to be in the yesterday zone, but I will not be able to as we know it. DO I see the me being more able undertake that task? Yes- in time with in our home. But the presure of the 'everyday stuff' will be a while. It's so hard to laugh or do something with Sandy their with me, or I with her.

I finshed going through our pictue boxes. I had found a bunch more of Sandy, then a few more of these photos. ( reach up and 'Click' ) I hope to finsh them up soon. We were happy just if there was just the two of us and no one else. The world and us, the Andy's. I have a task of tring NOT to be guilty of not being able to help her, or fixing "it". I always tried to. But this was out of my hands. ( So I think? ) But we will be able to rest at some point.

Maybe things on the yesterday might help me learn to do things better for me. As I am the selfish one now. I have Sandy's legisee to up hold. No one eles. We are/were One. And no way is anyone going to take that.

I got things up away, and started splitting the wood from the tree out front. That'a lot'a wood!! But the satifaction of splitting a large log with one blow, is cool. Like the time I was tring to "ring the bell" at the small fair's we went to. I would play it up, and goof off for Sandy, just to see her laugh and skoll me for being a goof.

Love Ya Sweety-Forever

Your MY Rock!

2006-01-03T21:46:00.000-05:00

-So Randy, what did you do over this 06 Eve?

Well, I knew I didn't want to get real bad like we did last year! But I did mess up thou.
I went shopping. I had to empty the freezer just to re-load all the stuff I got. Then I got some more steak for Tim and I as I was going to make burgers and steak Sunday. So I will not have to do any major shopping for a long time. Way to much stuff. I ended up with 5 tubs of butter. That is when I knew that I got to much. I even show Dj the stuff. Couldn't beleave it.

-What you mess up on RANDY?

I got up, took a shower, and went back to bed! Teri and Tim came in and that is when I woke up at 2:30 pm. then got sick. then they left, gave them the steak i WAS going to cook and went back to bed untill 7:00pm then ate. and didn't feel "right" until 11pm.

-Do you drink alot? I know, but I want it from YOU!

Not to much. It is that I really didn't eat good befor.
I stopped over to DJ's for one shot. Then I went out to our deck and did 10 big shells for you. I still can't figure out how you made such good fires in the pit. You know I cheat!! and use a fire log starter. BUT, the wood from our tree burns great. No hissing or knothing. Oh, yeah, I got my ax out that you got me. Early this pass summer I put a razor sharp edge on it. MAN, dose that split wood good!! So, tomorrow going to try to slpit a bunch of it out and putin a bin that I have to make. The wood is only about 14" long. So i'm just going to split it and toss in the bin. What do you think?

-That should be fine. Where are you goin to put it?

I don't know. I have to see how much wood I get done. I was thinking along the shed, near where the pool was.?

-Just don't mess up my gardens! I like the "No Tresspassing" signs.

I didn't want to have get pissed off if those kids got in them and did messed it up. So, now I can, since I did post those up.

Then I took down your tree from the living room, and started put things up. And got your blanket off Monday. I have to put some things in the attic tonight. Oh yeah, I have to have a midnight cook out. I don't want to have my steak go bad, and doing some burgers also.

-It looks like you have a plan? Sounds good. Just keep it up Randy, I know you can do it. And if you need help, you know where to go. We have good friends. Callen if you need. They won't mind. And, most important, keep your chin up, or try, I'm with you every step of the way.

That is all I can do. It's hard not to be doing this for you since your not 'right' here. But, I feel you with me. I just hope this road is not that long. I love you forever Sandy! Your my Rock sweety
-I love you too, and have a SAFE one Randy

( this picture: is from a huge boulder from the Rhoad Insland World round)

A Different Start For '06

2005-12-30T22:56:00.000-05:00

Sandy,
As I approch the end of 2005 I know a new chapter of my being is about open with new year of 2006. You remember how I would start saying I'm fourty-x in January? Then I would have 8 months to prepare? I see now that is just a number and has no bearing on what I am.

This next year will bring in new challenges to me as just one of two. I must continue to learn from your ways as I manitane our home and our kids. I will still face emptiness for ever, but I do have the hope of being with you again. You and I made our lifes full being together. The happness that we had is good enough and will hold me over. I don't want that to be gone. Those times is ours and I will cherrish them until that time comes for us to reunite. Cause we were building things for the long haul, as the trees of the mighty forest growes and heals to continue giving air for us to breath.

Will continue next year.

Jan. 03, 2006

The ways we dreamed of things were dashed, I must live. In the way I can and the best I can in this this matter. I'll try to do that. It seems that I must have hope that I can. The most important thing is what I can do to keep my sanity. I must thing clearly and if I can't I will ask for help.

Sandy I will miss you and do miss you forever and I love you forever

Untitled Post

2005-12-29T21:56:00.000-05:00

Four months now, but is it?
I've had a real bad heart felt day. My eyes hurt.
Thou I must retain them to see. What?
I must see that I had a real heart felt day.
Miss you Sandy, Love always
Randy

It's TIme For..Year In Reveiw

2005-12-28T18:02:00.000-05:00

This picture is taken in front of the first time we stopped for a break as we were driving to Dulth MN. This is the Wisconsin Dells port. We didn't even knew about it until Sandy seen all the signs and then the number of water parks that are present.

Well, let me see if I can pull this off. -Me Too!
After recoving from DJ's party from across the street. We stetled in for the rest of the winter, and soon the demise of the time we shared in the eveing together would be gone. As, the company I work for was swicthing me to another shift. Sandy always took down the tree on new years weekend. As will I. But the spiders would linger for weeks afterward. I would hear about them. -Yes you would! If Scotty or Emily didn't find them first I would. And I hate them. Most of the time we would let the kids get them. But most I would have to, with out leaving a mark on the wall.

We started making plans for vactions. We knew we was going going to a World Motocycle Trials event. So, we made plans for other places. We seen a show about Woodward Dream Cruise, -well, YOU seen it, then I checked it out too. Then we knew we just had to go. Sandy always wanted to go to the "land of the BLUE" and get some new apperal for her One Game Favort team. Michigan. That was for August. Then the All GM Show in PA, was interesting. So, that was it. We wanted to save as many days as I could to blow off on mid week "dates" and Friday's. I just had to find a hotel with a Pool was the only requirment. I did good on both cities.

March was planning for our tenth year wedding anniversary. I was getting Sandy a new ring. So I started checking things out then. We did our weekend stuff as normal. Sandy was getting her plants all in order. - which you are going to for me, right? Yes Sweety, I'm going to try very hard. And I just might get our yard lights replaced. You know I ment to?

April rolled on in. It was all about our 10th. It was all good. So lets jump to it. I gave her the coupons for JB Robinson befor we went to dinner. So, that menat that she could pick out something she wanted. Well, the coupons things were cash vauchers. So, there was "condiditions", well, that didn't work out to well. -I still think you got took! I know I'll never do that again. I was hoping to have a new stone placed in her wedding band, was not going to work. So, Sandy decided on the "Past, Present, Future" ring. We were told that we could get larger diamonds every year from now on. That's what Sandy wanted. And I couldn't have agreed more. I would have gave her the Hope Diamond if I could have. -Thanks Honey!
While things were rolling along, the All GM Show was coming up soon. I was trying to do things on the 76 Grand Prix.

in June while in PA we got some Yuengling Black and Tan. Good stuff!! and on the way back some cool fireworks. Sandy found out that I don't float. The Fireworks for the July 4th was good. We went to a place along old 315. We seen the park of roses and Worthington's. AT the same time!!
Then we were off to the Woodward Ave. That was the most fun. We had a great time. I was told that Sandy repeated the story to all of our friends. Teri got me a cash for my brithday. I ended up getting a ploisher at my farvoit store. And Sandy Got me a plug in coffee mug and a Woodward hat, pin, and t-shirt.

Well, then my world went dark as Sandy's did. I don't know how I can go on to do things. like WE did. But I will make an effort. As we did as The Andy's.

Peace to all good people, and peace will be.
I'm staying home Sweety. Not leaving the deck. Doing a cookout that night a fire and a BUNCH of Fireworks. Even doing a cab, for a "Drive By" for you.

Love always and forever Sweety
-You to honey we'll make it, I know you can. But it going to be very hard. but i'm with you.

With Me At All TImes

2005-12-27T21:03:00.000-05:00

Post 2005 Christmas report
The photo above is what I made for my tree this year. I had a large collection of photos of Sandy that I displayed them with wings. I would have had more, but I ran out of ink before I could get them all made. So, I have some to do the next time. I'm keeping this one in the jeep. Sandy's sweater is close to the same color.

Friday: Post Work
The guys all when for a beer. I had two, and called it a night. When home and messed around there for a while, noting special. Hooked up the new tv in bedroom. NICE!

Saturday:
Got up somewhat early. Made a pot of joe. Did some Speed TV. Took off to visit Sandy for a spell. Heater gave up on me. So I had to go to re-supply propain. as out there for a couple of hours. Was a wreck most of the time. Then I cleaned of the deck since it was so nice out, and all the snow was melting. I uncovered the 69 GP and let it run for a long time. Did some more house stuff. Called Teri and said I'll be over around 5;30-6 pm. Stopped off and got some "yule tide" supplies. Had some great food. I had been collecting 1/ gal milk jugs since Aug. to make lumiarys. So we made those. Then just chilled. Spent the night.

Sundy Chirstmass Morning:
I got up at 6 am and went to sit with Sandy. I was a real wreck then. I was there for 3 hours,
( new propain tank ) during the wind and rain. Came home to call Teri, let her know I was coming back out. Then Jozie came over with his family. That was fun. seeing Kenzy open her presents. Then Teri got to open the one from Sandy that I found. It was a bunny rabbit ceramic figure with candle, and a pet cat. (Grow A Pet)
Tim was very surprised about the item I got him. It is a Standley outdoor knife set.
Teri and Tim, made my first major holiday very bearable. They got some slippers, and louge piants, a cool long sleeve shirt. It looks like you have two different shirts on. Then the warm deim shirt. The neatest thing! is I have a million candle power spotlight that plugs into lighter in Jeep, so when I do a Drive by for Sandy, I can put the light on her.

Monday;
Tim was working on Monday. So, I got up when he was up, and hung out for a while. then took off for home. I just was going to make some rounds, but just endded up work at home. I saw some TV that I'd normaly would not see. I fell asleep for a short time. And worked on computer.

Sandy!!!! So, how did I do?

-Randy, I'm very happy you made it through all of this. I see Teri liked her stuff. I'm glad you wrapped them up for chirstmas. I was going to that too! It was a very hard time. With everyone seeming so happy and all, I'm sure you had alot of looks while it was rainning Sunday, didn't you?

I felt a few eyes peer my way. But I was their for you and me. I can still hear your voice when you'd wake up, 'merry christmas, let's open presents!!'. I thought of all the great things we'd be doing around this time of year. But the best story on christmas is..

-WAIT, I'll tell it!! Randy was doing the remodleing and was needing new tools to do the job. So, I got him a craftsman orbial sander. He just opened it up and was really liking it. So he plugged it in, truned it on, and sanded right through the power cord!! I couldn't beleave it. either could you, now that was funny looking back.

I was more embarrised than anything. But those are our memories honey. Your with me 24/7. I can feel it Sandy. That is what helped!! So next week. be ready. I'm staying home and doing your fireworks!!!! With a deck fire going and everything.
I'll wish you back, Sweety.

-Thanks honey, Love you ALways
I love to forever!

Make Me Disappear

2005-12-23T20:17:00.000-05:00

Well, this is the last post until Tuesday. ( i can't work on this at home, wrong macOS to make it work)

I've been crying all day. I bought a new 21 inch T.V. for the bedroom. Now I will not have to disrupt the kitties when the turnner needs hit. So that tv will go the shed. I might have to reiforce the tv shelf. So, while making room this afternoon for the new 21" Flat Screen. I found a card I gave Sandy for our 10th anniversary. I would like to post the words from that card:
I Love our Love Story...
the ups,
the downs,
the twists and turns,
the love
that keeps us
together
through it all...
And I love looking back
to the day we met,
remembering all the sweet moments
that forever in my heart,
I love knowing
that time
has made us
stronger
and brought us
even closer together...
And when I think
of tomorrow,
wonder what
our love story will hold,
I know it will wonderful
for I'll be sharing it
with you.

LOVE ALWAYS
Randy

The Picture of our first tree in the living room that we were redoing. We didn't even have the carpet down yet. We always strive to build for the furture, even if we didn't know back then. Right Sweety!!!!!!

-Yup, we sure did. So, what are you do'n? I'm sure you have something go'n on? I'm hanging out playing with Sunny, Chance and Brandy.

I don't know hon- i've had even a million offers. But, I just to be by myself to tell you the truth. I don't want to pertend that I'm hanging on around other people. I just want to let it out. I think it's a one person job.

-You always said 'one person job'. Why is it?

Well it is to me. I just rather think of all the zillion moments we had here at our home..

-Well, OK, I'll be with you. Always. Love you hon

I love you to sweety. I'll be back Tuesday, ok

-Hang on Randy. OK?

OK

Is It Spring Yet?

2005-12-22T22:44:00.000-05:00

Sandy, Don't get mad at me for this picture. I think it just you. There is nothing wrong with it.
may be the shadows are harsh, but that is it!.

-Randy, the sun is shining on my big nose!

You don't have a big nose!! Enough, I Like this photo and it's very dear to me.

-Yes your right, I can see why you like it so much. I'm in my pool. THAT you only got in once! Chicken!!

I was not chicken, I just was not HOT. I never complaned about being hot, cause that gives me the right to bitch about the COLD. And It's Cold!!!!!

So Sandy, Did you hide anything that I should find for the holiday? I did find the Domino set. Thank you, it's very nice

-I know what your thinking, who's going to play with it?

Yes, it's going to be hard to teach the kitties to play, but thay can chase them if I make a trail with them!

-True, but you'd better count them first. You know how Scotty gets. Knocks off everything. And Monthy likes to hide things to. Like the tooth paste lid!! Randy!

OK, OK.

-So, what's the plan for this weekend Hon?? What are going to do??

I have not figured that out yet. Most likely see what is up with Teri and Tim. You know I had a cool dream about you.

-Don't try to change the subject.

Hey I still have two days to plan. But this dream was cool. We were at the service for you. Just you and me was in the room and I gave you this green/yellowish drink from a plastic bottle. And you woke up, and sat up. then we hid from everyone and waited untill they all left. Then we went home. I couldn't stop hugging you. Then at home, you asked,' how long will that stuf last?' I said I don't know. I think you even changed into something different. Yes, you did, it was your yellow baby chiken jammy top and shorts. Then I woke up crying again. Because I didn't know how long it was going to last. Then I said after Foot and Monty wake up patrol got me awake. I said "not long enough". You know I have them written down to keep, you know?

-Anything in the mail that I should know about?, cause I know already!!?

YES, WE got a card from Mr. Carrol Shelby himself!!, well and his family picture.

-Any other cards?

Yes, but I have not opened them yet. You know I'l be remonissing every Christmass we had. And i'm
just just going to be a mess. Nana, is the only one that gets it. She knows just how i am. I know Teri is still having bouts, But that is good. I really care for her you know. But now that things have changed, i'll never have any more like the ones we had, all eleven of them!! And the cards we would make, well I would make for you. I see so much in the stores I knew that you would like to have, or I would have gotten, and I just break down right their. Just as I'm typing this. I do miss you, and I Love you so much. I wish either I was with you, or you were here!!. But I can't go to you. I"M NOT DONE. So, I wish you back. I wish it was just that easy, Right?

-I know Randy, it's very hard on me too. I want to be with you very much. I know we would be together again. Thank You for the nice tree you made for me. Your right, Just Teri and DJ seen it. But I really like it. The missle toe on my picture is nice to. I know you are doing the best you can. Just try to be with the happy stuff, but I know no matter how you do things it always going to be hard on you. Just try to walk with me with you, and WE can get over the rough spot together, We always did before. So, this holiday is going to be easy, RIGHT?

I will try Sweety. Just for you!! I got to go. I can't see the keyboard anymore.

Love You hon, and that is forever!!

-Love You too, Honey

I Try

2005-12-21T21:43:00.000-05:00

I TRIED

i tried to be me
i tried to give you gifts
i tried to protect you
i tried to care for you
i tried to make you smile
in all of those things, i knew i
didn't have to try, because I Love You
as You Love me.
_______

The picture was taken by the grass of a Rose Garden of Portlan Oregon.
The look on my face, is one of "is the timer working?"

I have been stepping backwards these past few days and I'll be a mess until after the J106.

Know Your Brain

2005-12-20T22:50:00.000-05:00

This is what I've been working on.
Click on pic for larger veiw.

The plan is along with a 3 1/2 oval sticker will be offered for a dollar each donation. ALL proceeds will go to the Brain Anerusym Foundation in Sandy's name.

Also, I got something Cool for myself and Teri. I found a place that has the Anerusym color ribbion pin. I got it engraved this: My Wife: Sandy
Teri's has engraved: My Sister: Sandy.

----------

Friday had our Holiday Lunchen. Didn't make it myself. But, I had plans to go out to Teri's for the night.
So, I got Sandy a new latern. I never did a drive by to check it out
after work. SO I thought this would be a good time. I got off early from work, what the heck.
I just told a co-worker to have a safe one. As to me the same.
I jumped on the freeway to see the latern. The jeep kind of felt loose. After telling Sandy that I'm on my way to Sisters home, pulled out and got up to about 45 mph. The Jeep left frt drops. Like the wheel broke! WELL, IT CAME OFF!! Then it got out from the wheel well, and passed me. I had no one in either lane, I was in the center of both lanes. couldn't streer, or stop. The wheel, in the mean time, jumped up on the median and crossed into the north bound lane. I was hoping that no one would hit it. I'm still trying to stop. The another BIG SUV came through. Sure enough, it hit the wheel. BOOM! loud bang. It didn't stop, nor came back to see what it hit. I tryed to be safe, so messing with the jack for a couple of mins, not good. CALL AAA. I did, I heard that voice to think about them. After I found the wheel in the drainage dig by the freeway. I walked up and called. I have to thank my lucky star. She was watching me. Because I was just ready to get on the freeway again!. The next day. I found out that it looks like someone was tring to steal the front wheel. Because the new lug nuts I got fit the other side. The other side was a bull to get loose. Driver side, had to been loosed before.

It hit me hard again today. I was a mess clear up to the time I came to work. As I said to a conserned Police Officer Sunday, It's getting close to Sandy's favorit holiday. I see more stuff out that she would loved to have as presents. Wait, police? Yes, I had a Officer (woman) checked in on me while I was out with Sandy . She said I was out here for a while, it was snowing and blowing. I chatted with her, then showed her my Coleman heater I have.

It's cold out side. Foot, even tried to go out today. I knew what he wanted, so I let him out and stood there waited for him to come back it. He didn't get to the other side of the walk before he wanted back in. It was cute.

I seen a ol friend of mine on Monday. Hopefuly he'll hook me up with printing of my products. Oh, did I mention that I getting t-shirts made too!

Miss you Sandy, Love You Bunches and Always

Drink This Way

2005-12-15T21:31:00.000-05:00

How often do you see your favorite rock band front man on a billboard 50 yards from your hotel?. Sandy did! And she was really excited that Steven Tyler was on this billboard. She said "that was so cool". It was in the morning on our way to the World Round Trials site, Sprit Mountain, MN. We could beleave it either. I think we got on vid to, but it will years before I can tackle that project.

Be honest here, and work with me on this, OK.
(Right down a number)

1) How many friends do you REALLY have?

2) How many family members do you have?
(immediate family members)

3) Of those friends - How often do you see them?
a) once a week
b) once every two weeks
c) once a month
d) once in a "blue moon"

4) Of your family members - Do they call you?
a) yes
b) no - you call them most of the time
(phone tag dose not count)

5) In the last four months - How many times have you looked up at night and seen a shooting star?
a) once
b) twice
c) three times
d) more than three times

6) Now think, really hard here, What do you think of after is dissapears?
a) "wow, that was cool"
b) "what was the chances of that?"
c) "if that lands on earth..."
d) "what should I wish for?"

Results: 1) Numbers between 1 - 5___8 points
6 -10___6 points
11 -15__ 4 points
more than 15 your lying
2) Numbers between 1 - 5___4 points
6 -10___6 points
11 -15__ 8 points
more than 15 __10 points

3) a 5 points
b 4 points
c 3 points
d 2 points

4) a 5 points
b 1 points

5) a 8 points
b 6 points
c 4 points
d your lying :-) 1 point

6) a 8 points
b 6 points
c 4 points
d 2 points

Now lets do some math: If you got this far I'm proud of you. I got 27. What did you get?
Actually it dose not matter. The point of this that I made you think of what YOU have, and the resons to change for the better in your world. I on the other hand. I found that things really get strange under adverse conditions. Well, things got weird. So, I must thank my star for what I have in my world.

Sandy, Love Ya!!

Bare Foot

2005-12-14T22:20:00.000-05:00

Sandy, What are you doing?

-I'm putting in this Holly Bush

In your bare feet? Is that some kind of hippie dippy thing?

-No, I got my digger, I don't need shoes, any way I thought I would put in now while the ground is all wet form the rain we just had.

That is what I was checking on the deck to see how the water proofing held up.
So why are you putting there, is that a good spot?

-Well this has the berries on it, it will be good for the birds, and I can use some of it for my wreaths.

Now do what me to wash and rub your feet?

-Would yah?!
--------

I swear, this is how that conversation went. I don't recall why I had my camera. I guess i'll find the rest of the pictures from that roll and see if I can find out why. I don't know.

I have a few more wings to put up and i'm calling done! Speaking on done, and Foot. I have learned last night that our smart Foot is really telling what to do. I was working on a project last night. It was late. And he came up onto the desk, heading for my lap, the long way around. Nope. He was heading for lap to get in my face. He let out a meow! Then I knew, he wanted to go to bed. I turned around in the chair and said, "lets go to bed!". He jumped off me and headed stright for the bed. He was there before I was waiting on me. He was happy, he curled up to me, I put my hand on his back feet and said my prayers and fell asleep. I know he knows what I'm need to do. Because I needed to get up early today (got up, and then dozed off on on for a hour) but he was right thier when I needed to get up, pawing at the covers. Foot didn't even let me make my coffee before I had to feed the rest of the kids.

I had a close call with Sandy's Jeep today!! The City of Westerville didn't plow or salt the narrow cemteary drive. I had a couple behind me trying to back up in a pick up truck (no weight) and came about 2 feet behind the Jeep. Thier wheels were spinning in reverse, but sliding forward. I was ready to jump between them. So, I had to drive out and let them out. And I wish they also had a Cemertay Enteance sign. I get those 'neck ties' flying around there, they come over to the center lane. GRRRRRRRRRR.

I feel that the tree "Sandy Tree" helps. I Can recall all of those moments. Stacey (Stacy ;-} )
let me borrow a scrapbook tools. So I can start on some stuff here at home a little later. The round corner gizmo is way cool!! I'l have to head off and see about getting a nice photo book. I want to incorporate Sandy Flowers that I scanned and her pictures. I guess, I could do all on my Macintosh.

Hey honey? You know, I miss 'checking in'. It even feels strange after I get home to leave for a pack of smokes, or kittie food. WHICH I have get some for tonite. I'm out!! You know how Foot get everyone all wound up. But it dose feel weird. Just something little I would toss up to you.

Love Always
Randy

"O.K. - Look Goofy"

2005-12-13T22:04:00.000-05:00

A moment of Fun captured on film.

We were just chilling on the back deck and I must of had the camera with me. So I said "OK look goofy". We did, as you can see. I have a few of these self portraits. I know that the minimum range is less than 3 feet. so just crank the lens to a hair under 3 and go.

A good friend of mine is coming over next Monday for a meeting about a printing project i'm doing for the Brain Aneurysm Foundation fund raising in Sandy's name. He is solely is reponsable for me getting into a) photography b) offset printing. We go way back.
So, after we get the print job hammered out. Making plans to go out and get some new photos in God's world. (nature stuff)
I'm looking forward to it. I know that the lead is now flying in the woods this time of year. Maybe a arrow or two, but the lead is not. (I hope).

Sandy and I took some small but fun hikes. Once we got done with a bike event. We took a look around a bend. And we just kept going. We found the tree roots totaly covering a very large rock formations. Small caves with in the rocks, it was neat to see. Also we always would import something form our trips. I.E. Rocks, moss, furns, popies seeds, something.

One of the more colorful things Sandy would get was, sticks. Yup, sticks. Sandy would configuer these on to plywood and a artist way. And they would VERY suitable for framing. I still have her bag from a couple of summers of collecting. And even have the base board to put together for two if she has enough product.

Teri came over today for a short visit. I was very happy, but it was cut short because I had to leave for work. She saw that I did have the house in order, and I'm not going to starve. And gave her another angle wings I made for my tree of Sandy.

I may look like a goof when Im out visiting Sandy, when the snow is blowing and really cold. Heck, since there is a steady steam of traffic for the business district near by. I'm right out there for all to see. But, if there loss was as much as mine, they would do it to. I'm Randy, and I have to do what Randy knows, and if I what to see Sandy's grave in -20 wind chill. I can.

Sandy, sorry about the goofy picture. But your my googy wife.
Love You Forever.

Our Home

2005-12-12T22:25:00.000-05:00

As tough it was to post this, Snady loved the water. When we went to Newport Beach in Rhode Island, we got there just in time to this photo taken of Sandy. Then, we hunted out a Restruarant. We found this place that looked like a convered gas station. It was. But when we walked in...we were under dressed, and under buget to get a meal. We got some sort of oil bread dip, and a bowl of Clam Chowder. The T-shirt she is wearing I air brushed her name on it and did a "Vancil" graphic thing on the back. In red white and blue. She wore it every July 4th.

I miss her! And all the millions on other things about her. SHE WAS MY LIFE. period!!

Sandy would say, "home" in refrance to the house. Esample: "can you come to our home?". That would be normal in most cased, but she would make comments in the same matter about other peoples houses.It sound weird in that text. She wanted her own "HOME" not a house, but a home. She said that her and I and the pets, made it a home with all the love have for each other. And you can see that at this time of year. I have tree up all in blue and the angel wings pictures are turning out great. I've had comments already.

I'd thought over this past weekend I would make a few changes to how things are around here. I big one, I went out and bought some "No Tresspassing" signs and hammered in stakes. I came back home from a shopping run, and I seen that the kids from next door (two doors down) have a gang come over to play. That's not the problem, it's that fact they don't have a yard to play in. So they use our neighors yard and spill over to mine. Sandy would get pissed at them. So now, that I can't be there all the time. The signs are up. The bad thing there were on the snow covered deck. ( that is how I knew they were their to begin with ) That is all in need to have them get hurt on the deck. And the grass don't need to be trapled on now that it's winter time.

Saw some new pots and pans that have a blue sides. and the handle in very confortable. We'd always ask each other, How dose Teflon stick? Well, some of ours, It Don't! I've have been cooking at least. I made the shopping for the holidays easy. Every one is getting the same thing. I need to pick up three more. Well most. I made a few expetions. Teri has a special surprise. I need to try to make some bread again. We have this bread maker, but in order to make a loft, you have to take the bread book shopping with you, to get all the stuff. I know it fool proof. I made some once before.

I got Sandy a new lantern Saturday. It was one I seen before, but now I know I should have gotten it before. And tring a new candle size. So far so good.

OH!!!!!! Speaking of GOOD!! Sandy!!!!!!!!!!!!! You hit the lottery again!!!!! It was OUR ADDRESS NUMBERS. Our home, just what you wanted. wait... just before they drew them, i'd thought about the things that were said to me over the weekend, and I thought 3-1-4. And sure enough!!!!!! Want to go for a beer?

- I can said I did that. but that wouldn't be fair. but I did that ;-} (giggle) and get some ga`as for the Jeep.

Did I sence some West Virgina come out on 'gas'???

-oh be quite. Careful having a beer on me! Love You

I Love You Always

Shadows of Love

2005-12-09T19:03:00.000-05:00

This picture is from Wayne and Stacy's wedding. That was a great day!! Hippie hanging out with Sandy after the vows at the cute church.

Out from the shadows I rise to find I must open my eyes to see what I can't see.

-What the heck dose that mean???

Hey, I'm tring to get into the "quoteable quotes" in Reader Digest!!

-That dose not make any sence!!!

Yes it dose, I'll tell you about it:

The Shadows: The bleek hopes and dreams we have that have been dashed, the sadness I have for you, that you are not with me here on this planet, the fear of hardships I now face alone in my new world, the everlasting hole I have in my chest for you.

I Rise: Coming to grips that I have these 'pains' and 'fears'. I must face them as a person that has the desire to live in sevier challenging environment.

Open my eyes what I can't see: Let things in that are around me, if I seek them out. Either the hepling hand of a friend, or the path nature may choose for me. Let things happen, and be ready to see them, and understand them if I need them. And this could be from with-in myself. Because no matter what I do, its going to hurt worse if i'm not ready.

And I do Shadow hungs all the time!!!

When I'm home i'm sad most of the time. Not weeping sad, but on edge. Sometimes I laugh. but that is rarely heard. I have a quest for this weekend. I hope I can get them done. Going to get the BA foundation items i'm making done, and a updated resume. I'm going to put it on a mini CD and design a mini CD case. Heck that is what I do. Not design, but computers and graphics. Might as well.

Another somber weekend coming up. I realy don't think any one will be coming over anytime soon to see the house or me. Teri is not ready yet. That's ok thou. I know she is not ready. But it will happen shortly, I'm sure. The only thing I want to do is see Freebi and the Bean on Speed TV. Then Saturday is The Great Race. Nothing eles is really on. And pick up a item I'm getting everyone on my list. and may be start on floor in kicthen. we'lI see? I kind of just sit there with cats. Try to finsh putting up window film in back room. And see if I can find more ways to get the house better sealed up. I know, I should have done that befor now!!

Love you Sandy- Always and forever
As you are my beating heart from where ever you are.

By the way, How are Sunny, Chance, Brandy doing?

My True Star

2005-12-08T21:42:00.000-05:00

Some would not rather use up thier "15 Min of fame". That is Sandy. Never wanted to be out in the crowd. But she was anyway, because she is Sandy. And I was using it up as fast as a locomotive burnning coal. If Sandy was behind me that was easy to do. We are the Andy's after all. We were right there together. This photo was taken at the KFC's very first resturant, Corbin Ky. ( now, I don't want to get mail about KFC )

When I was cleaning up a bunch of magzines that I'd had been keeping were, Outdoor they would have cool places to travel to and not get into the tour trap stuff, and really give you the reader the poop on the location. I had dreams to go to those places with Sandy, and shared those dreams with her as I was convincing her why I wanted to keep them. I tossed them! Just as all my dreams of those kind of trips, GONE. I don't know if I posted before, but I know that i'm not the same Randy now. Sandy knew me like no other person on this earth, as I knew her also. Team members we are, to each other. The feelings of those can reach all other bounties that most can even begin to know how we were husband and wife. I see things starting to happen that I was expecting form the information that I had read in bereavment books.

In the mean while, I do the things that I feel is right for me. Thinking that I need to be just me. If others see me as someone they don't want to be around, because of what happened, or they just don't like what i'm doing, fine. Like I said in my post about time. "It's my world" and those don't agree with it, it was not meant to be in the first place. Friendship true definition: one attached to another by affection or esteem.

In the mean time Sandy has cool holiday lights out with her. Doing a "drive by" to check them out with the 2 inches of snow we just got to night. And looking for a new candle holder. I keep iTunes running 24/7 at home and the TV is on Speed. (When I sit with the kitties)

Love you Sandy-Forever
OH, I found more notes that we wrote to each other. I was a wreck

Long Trail

2005-12-07T22:09:00.000-05:00

-Peace Randy

It's all up hill from here. In reality the total hike was a kind of hard. And remember it was 6 miles on way!!

-YES!!! But, I was good. Do you remember that?

YES we had a nice time and worked up a good sweat. then went back to the hotel and heard some wacked out story by our balcony "freinds" from the room next door.

-Oh Yes, that was weird all right. they were telling WAY to much information. And you snot, ducked out and left me out their!!

I came back and got you!!

-OK. So how's the tree decorations coming along? I seen you last night working on them!! Milky Way was "helping", the Foot, and Monty pinned you down, didn't they?

I didn't think that they were going to take this long to do. But like everything eles now takes twice as long. DJ came over to let me know that it looks nice. And it dose. I went out and checked my self. I got it straight. Did you see foot being a "kitten" last night too?

-Yes, he was playing! nicely. Hey-hang in their honey, just remember i'm on YOUR side and you can get through this.
Are you going to put the kitty pillow for the top?

Thanks honey. It's tough. It tougher on me than anyone, because it was just you and me Christmas morning. (kitties included)
I remember we put that kitty pillow on our tree and it made us take a double take all the time. that was funny.
I love you forever, and I'll see you later

TIME

2005-12-06T20:21:00.000-05:00

Sandy!
-Do What? I was not listening
( we were waiting for the riders to come to our section, i'd had asked Sandy something from behind the camera and startled her. I'll post place and date)
--------------

Time: _a nonspatial continuum that is measured in terms of events which succeed one another from past through present to future

Time comes to you as if was just meant that you have a very special clock. It can travel twice the speed as others, but at the same moment it just stands still. It tells you many things that you didn't know about yourself. Yes, it knows you better than you. How? You ask, buy the events that have accurred to you tragically.

Buy now you have learned many things. What kind of things can Time teach us? One and the biggest is, that your loved one is not coming back to this earth. That in it self is the most radical thing the human being can even begin to under stand. We always had said to one another,"be right back". That says, that they will be your sheild of love, your home, willing to return to you as You being just YOU. We are always going places, although we have to come home to re-group together.

That is not going to happen on this trip. We just got a cold sence of
culture shock that, "be right back" is now just 3 words that we long for our hearts to hear.
We also learned that doing the daily tasks that are meant for us to continue moving ahead in our life time, i.e. eating, sleeping, bathing, taking care of our shelter, are some of the hardest things we are now facing alone.

Unless you were rasied by a pack of wild jungle animals. We need people in our lives. But, wait! We have people. Weather we want to, or not. The question is; What kind of people we want.
This all boils down to the fact, we HAD what we wanted. Yeah, sometimes they got you upset, the great event of life is about learning things in time as we need to. The loss of that one person can give us knowledge of that others may hope they never learn.

It seems now we are basing our TIME on the: before death or after death. W'ed based our plans of living through the stars and earth's movments. Now, we base our lives around can we endure the persures of those very same stars and planent movements in the AD stage of our excitance.

It is truly a gift that we had that one person. Some may take a couple attemps to fill the void in their chapter of life in time. We, the other hand, now have a greater sence of people knowledge. Do we venture out? Do we take the time we had with our mate and maintain our lifes?

This where we are now. The TIME is standing still. It's been weeks, months, year, ect. The mesurement of time in our special lifes paths are now have no relevents on anything else that is around us.

Can we change that? Do we want to change that? How can we change that?

Those are the Three Colorful Curtains in front of us. I look at it like this. If you got this far in reading this post, you have the abilities to do that. As I'm writing it, I'm thinking all of those thoughts to myself. I see it like this: A love that we had on this earth was our life. We had each other. I must continue to live the way I want to live. Weather I let the world outside of me in my house or not. But as a famos artist always said: "It's your world" Are you willing to live in it for the furture?
Time will tell you.

Awakening

2005-12-06T18:55:00.000-05:00

A time comes in your life when you finally get it—when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out “ENOUGH!” Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety, and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact you are neither Prince Charming nor Cinderella. That, in the real world, there aren’t always fairy tale endings (or beginnings, for that matter). That any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you—and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact you are not perfect and not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are… and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own
views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself—and in the process, a sense of newfound confidence is born of self approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, and not everyone will always be there for you, and it’s not always about you. So you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself—and in the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and overlook their shortcomings and human frailties—and in the process, a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize much of the way you view yourself and the world around you is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the junk you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe your parents, family, and friends.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn to go with your instincts. You learn it is truly in giving that we receive. That there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix. You learn principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world and you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn alone does not mean lonely. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK, and it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want—and sometimes it is necessary to make demands. You come to the realization you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect—and you won’t settle for less.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve—and much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn anything worth achieving is worth working for and wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.

You also learn no one can do it all alone—and that it’s okay to risk asking for help. You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve, and bad things sometimes happen to unsuspecting, good people.

On these occasions you learn to not personalize things. You learn God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It’s just life happening. You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state—the ego. You learn negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design as best you can the life you want to live.

Fun Aunt & Holiday Doings

2005-12-05T19:01:00.000-05:00

Sandy aways put some special fun in everything. Even when we went down to see Mark & Lori and Luke, Tayor. I remember taking this shot. Luke was not wanting to have a hug and picture taken. You can see he is still leaning away. But I must admit. Out of one large box of photos (so far) this is the only one I found with his Aunt Sandy. We were in Mark's workshop. Those two kids are about as good as you can get with kids.

I have thought about doing something for this very diffcult time of the year. Weather no put something up, or not. Sandy and I always like putting up lights. I was funny that we had the brightest house on the block. Not nesseary the most lights, but just plain bright. So, I came to the desison to do something. So, up to Sunbury I went to cut our own down vender. I would put there name, but can't remember there last. So, Robin & Besty. They greeted me. and chatted a spell. Then It was time for the hunt for the tree. I was an "eggshell". Talking to Sandy the entire time. So I found the "Bonzi" tree. What? a Bonzi. Only about half of the tree branches are on it. Thge lower ones were cut. So, I just cut it down low and figured that top half would show in the front window. It dose. And I have enough room still to walk around in the living room. The Kids are going "what?" but they are curling up under the tree. I will take some pictures.

A creative person that I am. I desided to hang pictures of Sandy, my ever loving wife on Angle Wings that I made. Now you see why I went through the box of pictures. That was hard for me to do. I found some things that I didn't know Sandy kept. I was a wreck. I called someone but they were not home. (3:30 am) go figure Randy. I made a prototype and I was very pleased with it. Monday afternoon I went to the scanning part of the project. But found out that I need to do this when the Foot, Milky, Monty, Scotty, are napping. They were all trying for space on me at the same time. I had to laugh. Foot, took the most creative way on to me. Well, the most safe for him. And besides that fact I'm making the decorations, I'm scanning them so I will have them in a Safe/Fireproof box.

Sandy, You've got to like how I say warm/hot when I visit?

-Yes, that is all you Randy. I enjoy your visits. I would have for you, you know!!

Hey, I'm going to work on some other stuff now. So I'll see ya later.
Love you forever

To sad... come back later

2005-12-02T19:48:00.000-05:00

Just on the sad side. But the House is almost spotless. More later.
Randy

The Reality - Of MY Christmas

2005-12-01T20:58:00.000-05:00

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
Thier was no stockings hung by the front door,
In dashed hopes that Sandy would be there.

The kitties were nestled all snug on the bed,
While visions of a mouse they kept from stirring danced in their heads.
I in my cap, with a late night Irish Coffee
Had just settled me tears for a nap at best.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the blinds and threw up.

The moon came out to shine on a new-fallen snow
Gave off the lustre of a fresh coat of wax.
When, what to my swollen eyes should appear,
But a Mustang, and eight mechanics that were cats.

With a little blonde driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Sandy.
More rapid than falcons her car came to our house,
And as she shouted, called them by a name!

"here Kitty, here, Kitty! now, Kitty,Kitty
Come On, Kitties come Kitty,Kitty!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the door!
Now dash away to the deck as we can have room to play"

As dry leaves that before the wild thunder storm fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the deck they jumped,
With the bags of love they toted, and Sandy too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little paw.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down to the deck Sandy came with a bound.

She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her foot,
And her clothes were all of blue hue of a summer sky.
A bundle of Love she had flung on her arms,
And she looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

Her eyes-how they twinkled so brightly! her dimples how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, her nose like a cherry!
Her little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And a warm scraf was as white as the snow.

The swich of missle toe held tight in her teeth,
And the smoke of tires encircled like a wreath.
She had a broad face of a big smile and a set of wings as big as a truck,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

She was bubbly as ever, as her right jolly ol' self,
And I laughed when I saw her, in spite of myself!
A wink of her eye and a kiss of cheek,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
And filled all my sad thoughts of her with love she has for me.
And laying her finger aside of her nose,
And giving a nod, up the drive she rose!

She sprang to her Stang, to her team gave a whistle,
And away Sandy drove like Mario Andretti.
But I heard her exclaim, as she drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas Randy and I'll see-ya soon!"

Fact of The Matter Is...

2005-11-30T20:45:00.000-05:00

.........that when I wake up, I relizies that I have to face another day without the one person I want the most. It's almost like in these times of world uprising, have someone jet off to another place and soon as they leave your "IT" and no one is there to help and you can't tag anyone. Just the strugles of being in a postiton uring to have what you need, and no longer can have that confort ever again.

So with that being said......I would like to just sleep until Febuary 17th. Why? All the good holidays will be over by then. I would if I could.

I would come out to the living room and see I have no place to sit down. As shown here. These are the weekends I like. That was the only time Sandy would have to make coffee. (If she wanted to) If not, I would make enought for the street, even at 11:50 am. (10 min to beer me time) We had a standing rule about beer before noon. Unspoken rule of coarse. I learn new things everyday. Or try to. Although I can't say "I did it" but I do anyway. I want her to to be proud. Sometimes the journey is OK, in the sence that I can think of something to share a story or thought about Sandy and remember the most minnor details.

Took Foot to a new vet!!!!! But, it might not be good. This Doctor realy has not seen this type of condiditon that Foot has. BUT!!! he is taking the extra steps to find out what we can do.
At this time I have some med to rub on him on the spots that are in question. He did like the ride down in Jim's car at all. I would reach back and let him know I was there. At the Vet. He was a perfect kitten. Got his teeth cleaned and they let the team of Doctors look him over good and didn't even try to freek out. On the way home. He knew he was going home. Didn't say a thing. And then ran out of the carrier to bed. He also knows when I say "time to go to bed" they are in there befor me waiting for the best spot to curl up with me.
Hopefuly things will progress in his favor, but I'll try to keep him in good heath as long as I can. Oh the vet was quite surprised that I droped my paints so he could see foot on my portriat of Sandy on my leg.

Hope to say warm with the kids these next few months. WInter has finally arrived.

'Don't Make A Mess'

2005-11-29T19:12:00.000-05:00

Honey...............Guess what? You hit for 42.50 again. It was your birthday numbers again. The guys at work can't beleave it. But, I can!!

You know all those million of times you told me NOT to make a mess? Well, I've taken the liberty of "Detailing" the kicthen. Yeah. Did you see me last night after work? I was a nutty cleaning machine. I was doing it Just For You!! Well, me to but I wanted to show you I can clean the house like I can clean the cars. I had the degreaser spray out and old tooth brush, shop rags, car wax, stainless steel cleaner, furnture wax. It took me a two hours to do just one side of the counter top on the sink side. Then this afternoon, another hour to finsh the stove. I took that sucker apart and got under the burnners, the whole nine yards. That is right, 'no one is going to see that part" but I know it's done. :-)

I was standing thier thinking that I did it all for you!. I wanted you to have a nice house and not have to worry about anything if something happen to me. Right down to the drain pipe under the sink. I went the correct path in working on our house just for that very reason. I wanted it to be for you. Although, it clean now, you have to ask yourself; Am I going to use it now. I can say I don't know for sure. I don't what to make a mess :-)

You also gave me a hint today. The small bag on counter top from MI. I got it that is for Teri. So i will wrap it up for her and sign your name, Ok? And I'm going to get a few things with the 42.50 you won tonight, as you would have.

I just can't get over the entire thing honey. I just break up at the drop of a dime. The hardest thing I can't talk you. It just hurts so bad to see things that you would have liked and I can only imagen how you would have reacted, or said. I feel even more the fact that half of me is never coming back here. Cause it's with You

The picture is from a park in PA. Ricketts Glen. It's worth checking it out on the web. We came across this Giant Mountain Loural flower. It was as big a Sandy head. It was a side trip on the way back from the last World Round held at Watkins Glenn NY. We also stopped off at a place called 'Paws and Claws" that was a trip in it self. Alway the fun adventure you and I have with each other.

Love You forever and always

I look up in the day
I look up in the night
I feel you hover over me with your winks of love toward me
and I reply to you "I love you to honey"

Dream Of Me

2005-11-28T21:16:00.000-05:00

It's been a few days since I posted, so here it gose. Friday the 26th was busy at work. But Thanksgiving was a adventure with me Deep Frying the bird. Good thing I had a back up plan. The temp gauge was not calibrated. So I cooked the first one untill the bones were very brittle. Then I got things fixed. The second one was great. Then I made mashed potatoes. They were good too.

Then this past weekend I tackled the house to be very clean. I tossed a ton of stuff that I didn't need. re-adranged and put away. I can see the floor of computer room. Not that is bad, but just need some help. Cleaned the wood floors and vaccumed real good everywhere, did the windows and doors with pledge wax. Kicthen, pulled out frig and vac, mopped and waxed floor, wiped down cabnets and widows, put stuff up and still have a few little lings to finsh tonight after works. Then I working my way back to the laudrey area. I need to put away my tools and a genral orginzise sesson back there.

I came accross our fisrt box of pictures, Sandy would date the envelopes, But I see that I should have done that all along. But, I can get an idea when they were taken from the World Round events we have gone to, or car shows. Then I got an clean plastic under bed storage container and put them in. So If anything would happen to the house I can toss them out the window.

I'm going to start making copies of the prints here and other to make a large collection of prints of Sandy for our house. I can scan them and clean them up nice. OR I can try to track down the negs. I think if come across them I'll do that. But I can scan them and place them just for me. Thats about it up until now.

----
The Dream:
We were sitting a someons house, Sandy was in a chair
against the wall. Regular chair, like a kitchen table
chair, wall was on her right. She was leaning back
sort of. I was in same style chair behind couch. We
got on the subject of rings. Wedding band style. Some
how. Sandy said something to the effect she wanted
another/bigger anaversey ring. (spelling don't work on
reply's sorry). Sandy said 'I want one" I said 'You'll
get one one of these days' Then she looked at me out
the corrner of her eyes, with brow up. Then at that
instand I knew she knew that she had passed away and
she didn't lead me on as we didn't lead anyone else on
in the room that she was actually gone. And I knew
what going on also. Then I was at her knees/lap
weeping. thats when I woke up crying. I miss her bad.

Even right now I feel like I have Sandy watching over me. Like if someone is stairring at you from across the room.That is how I'm feel right now. This just started a few days ago. It's very conforting.

The Brain Aneurysm Foundation wanted me to write about my personal Sandy fund raising effort i'm working on. Just have to find a printer for the stickers. I could do that online.
Did some small shopping for a few people while I was out gathering up cleaning supplies. I hope they like what I got them. I don't expect anything. Cause what I want is way more than "my two front teeth". But I have a item I'm send to a few that will be nice.

Oh the picture, Sandy reading her auctions in the Sunday paper with Foot. You know I have more pictures of those two than anything. But I'm glad I do.

Hey Sandy!!!!

-Hey what?

Do you like the blanket I got for you? It was the biggest one they had.

-You didn't have to.

But I wanted too!! So that makes it ok. I just what you to know I love you forever and always will. I'll be there for you soon.

It's COLD!!!

2005-11-25T22:41:00.000-05:00

It is Cold Out!!!
Well, one Holiday down and a million days to go. ( as so it would seem ). Hey I didn't catch the deck, yard, house under construction on fire with the deep fryer. BUT, good thing I had the "Randy Factor" built in for my cooking adveture.

-What Happened?

I didn't get the temp thing calibrated. So, one 10 lbs turkey breast, dose NOT that a HOUR. I had cooked it so much, the bones shattered! And it was about 3:00am. When I cam in and seen what I did.... I was a little up set. All I was saying Thrus, morning, was I'm trying Sandy, I'm really trying. I was kinda of a mess. But the second one went better. I only cooked in the fryer for 20min Then brought it in and the temp gauge go up to 140> I figured Teri could toss it in the oven for the rest. I Was good.

-You did Good, Randy

Thanks and the Mashed Potatoes! "Where is your mixer??" I was asking the time I was making a mess by doing it by hand. But then I could have been making a bigger mess, like at Papa Johns. You Know!!!:-) So We all had hand mashed taters!

I remember that top honey. Is that is the one that was so soft, that it fell apart at one of the seems. And Foot Loved it!

-Yup, That the one. It was ( I tossed it) I turtle neck I could wear. Because it was the softest.

And it macthed your eyes.

SANDY!!!!!!!! I GOT THE 69 GP RUNNING TODAY!!! (with help - I had it all messed up, but it looked good) So, I got some fresh 110 octane racing gas and dumped it in. I ran great. But-

-what now?

I need some manifold work. Donny thinks it's cracked.

-how much it that going to be?

I REALLY don't know yet. But I will try to fix it first. Maybe Earl can do it?
while I was outside I froze. You always said "I'm Cold" and during the summer "It's Hot".
The cold is what I alwayed liked. You would curl up your habd and cover your nose. And then you told me that you would come back to bed after a bathroom run and snuggle up to me while I was sleeping ang and I wouldn't even budge. Those are the things I miss. ALL the little things and I miss The Big ones to, don't get me wrong. But the little speacial things we did to each other. It seems like only a few days that we had our 1st christmas togather. And now it's here again. Sandy's favorite holiday. You know I'm getting a tree? Right? and it's going to be a Sandy/Kitty tree. Going out this weekend AFTER I get the house more in order.
Kept strong for me Sandy, I'm going to need it bad! And you know I will. I'll try hard for YOU! and the our kids. But It would be better with you. That is what I want for christmass: IS YOU!

Love You always and forever Sandy, See Ya later

Some Special Moments

2005-11-24T21:10:00.000-05:00

We all have used our allotted "15 minutes of fame" one time or another. I was not afraid to step up and make sure Sandy got hers too. If you ask someone if could yourself from others at events, the worst they can say is 'better not' or 'no'. So, we took many advantages in asking when we went to the motorcycle trials events, or anything. This time we knew a good guy from the New Engand Trials Assco., Bobby, and he hooked Sandy and I up to go down to the section for better veiwing. I was taking photos. Sandy was worn out from the sun, and all the hicking we did. Her eyes were also. That is the deal with the dark glasses. I remember her saying something about her eyes were tried form squinting all day. The insert is the after math on how red she got at the local dinner that evening. We were out in Goldendale WA.

Thier were times during my BikeTrials days, that we got the red carpet. Sandy made sure we took what was offered! I have "All Access" passes hanging up in our home with photo ID's of us. Those events were alot of work, but the fact that Sandy could enjoy them with me made it all better.

Now that I'm approching the Holiday season (tomorrow). Things will get even tougher. I bought a CD of Christmas music featuring blues artist. I listened to the first 2 tracks and could not handle it. Gave it to co-worker. But I'm going to do some things that we did together.

-Randy, are you going to say what you want to do tonite?

Ooook, I'm deep frying tonite: twinkies, homemade patotoe chips, turkey breast. And getting some boiled patotoes for mashed style.

-Hey! whats with the twinkies???

Honey, you know how expensive it for the oil stuff. So I'd thought I would just fry up as much stuff as I can.

-Randy, You know what I'm going to say don't you, YOU BE CARFUL!!!!

I will, and I knew it. I can hear you all the time. When I was doing the leafs in the back yard, I kept catching YOU up on the deck. But I knew that you were up thier in someway. I felt you!!!
In all the things you and I did, the reminders will come back to me as I finsh up here. You know I miss you more than anything. I just am Thankful that we even meet each other. Remember? I also said that at this time. Love you Sandy, forever. Hope to chat on Friday.

- Love you to, don't burn the yard up:-)

Oh Well - Good Game

2005-11-21T22:49:00.000-05:00

-I guess it was a good game between OSU and Michigan. OSU got lucky.

They almost gave the game up.
(Randy's note to self: No picture tonight, It's kinda tough to find one. But I'll get a good one. Well, they are all good ones, but one Sandy would like to. I had one for this post, but I didn't like it how turned out)

-So how did the Group thing go?

It was o.k. I meet some good people. Had lunch. Ruban. They did have any pickles :-(
I talked to much. I thought that after I left. I was feeling a little un easy. They didn't think I was going to come. First off, I went to the wrong one. And then I got there and they said this might be a little to soon for you. But i'll keep going. It's nice just to get out.
Hey, I haven't gotten the results from Foot's thing on his chest. It's kind of bothering me. If it bad, YOU and I talked about it befor. So I'll keep those times to my self, but I will adhear to them.

-OK I deal with it. Just keep him with you as long as you can, you know what I mean?

I will. I showed your tattoo to everyone Sat, I wore shorts. I didn't know that Cathy's Randy passed away. Pam took a picture of it. When I get it, I'll post it here for you to check out.
Do you like the new way I did the latern? It dose not swing in the breeze.

-Yes, Mr. MacGyver! A little coat hanger and a "Handyman's Secret Wepon" But it works! I'll give you that!

I got all the leafs up and It dose look nice. Hey it's almost time for me to go. But I'll becareful with deep frier for the turkeyes.
And give some up for Foot Sweety!!

-You know I will, I want you to have him as long as you can. But we will just have to waint and see what Dr.Kellogg says Take care Randy, I Love You. I'll see you later.
Hey,are you going to try the large candle in my lantern?

Yes I was. And I love forever Sandy, I'll keep an eye on our Protector Foot.

Are We Wet Yet?

2005-11-18T16:46:00.000-05:00

-Hey Randy, before you start, GO BLUE!! Beat OSU!, I couldn't help that. Go ahead, I'll get with you later

Just look at us, would ya. We Are Absoluty The Best. enough said!! Who in this world would even think of going out in the weather you see here, all wet, cold, lots of walking, and wearing goofy hats. No one except The Andy's!! There was not very many "couples" at this world round because of the weather. BUT WE WERE. -tell them about the beer Ok, We are trying to scope out a good spot around the section for photos. And a guy was near by. He either felt sorry for us, or what. but he hooked us up with a couple of "cold ones". I have to say we could have had alot more. But the jester was very nice. And he even took our picture together. (we really don't have to many of these, It was just US) Sandy got drenched before we even left the top of mountain. We had packed a poncho. So on the way to this area, we stopped and picked up out of the car. I gave Sandy my jacket to wear, and this the ONLY photo I have of Sandy with a hat on!! Sandy, Your The Best!! -No, Your The Best No, we are
BOTH the Best.

I get all tearery eyed all the time, and I accept this for the rest of my time here. Today it was seeing, of all things Sauerkraut. Sandy never did like it before we got together. But she really liked it warmed up and on Hotdogs and Bratwurst. You know it's the little things in life that really mean the most. This is a good esample of that. I can get all upset over the a bag of Sauerkraut. Not the cars in the driveway or the size of our rings. It was always the simple things with us. The heart felt meaning behind everything we did. We Love Each Other.

-Are you going to say something about the Brain Aneurysm phone call today??

Yes, Today I got a phone call from them. I wanted to know if I could use their logo for a fund raising project I'm doing. They don't see any problem. I'm making up stickers that are to be sold and money raised sent to them in Sandy's Name!! And doing T-Shirts. It's a Catchy Pharse. SO I'm not saying what just yet.

Sandy, I'll be cherring for you, as I will forever, And don't EVER LEAVE ME.

- I won't Randy, cause I know you will always be with me. Love Ya

The' Game

2005-11-16T20:00:00.000-05:00

Sandy!!! Do you know what Saturday is??
-Yup, It the Michigan vs. OSU and Michigan is going to win!!
I've been wearing your Michigan stuff all week.
-Causing trouble?
Not any more than you!!
-Have you heard if Pam and Rick is going to have a party yet?
Yes, I got an e-mail from Pam. I said that I would be the Michigan fan. Got to have one of those at that party. Right?
-I always did. And you just let me do it, didn't you? But it is all fun.
Remember what Chilly calls you?
-I'm his Number 1 Michigan fan
Well, you will Always Have that title!! Because I like Penn State. Which, I know you won that one too. so just settle. The Penn State - Michigan State game is right after Michigan and that, from what I'm told, has the makings of how the Big rankings are going to end up. OSU dosen't have a chance!!!
-Didn't they loose to many games?
Yes, the BEST they can do is a Share Of the Big 10.
-Goooooooo BLUE!!!
Hey honey, I had to take Foot and Milky both in to the vet. That thing on Foot is getting tended to and Milky has a bout of her rash. I get them in the Morning and then I'll get his brithday gift from PetMart. His own stash of Cat Nip!!
-oh, he'll love that!! he will be a wild kitten, watch out!!
I told them to be EXTRA careful!!! And it was Kelloge. not that other person. So I WILL get up Super early to get them HOME!!.
-Ok, good deal, but they better be careful!! I'll be Pissed off!
You, what about me!?!?!
I finally got most of the leafs up. I made a big pile of leafs the other day and the I couldn't get the blower to start all day.
-Why don't you just use the rake?
More fun using the blower, but anyway, I couldn't get it started for most of the day, then I seen the safety was not latched. DUH! So I just had enough time to get them lined up to mulch and put in bags. Then the goofy weather. Now they are all wet. And that was not fun today. Cold on top of that. I'll try to finsh up Thrusday.

Sandy, hey. I know your with me and I feel that you are, So with that, I'll be just OK. But most important. I'm with you to. love you always and forever
oh, don't forget, I hope have a fine time on Sunday at the YWBB.com get together.

Everybody Has A First... Some have a LAST

2005-11-14T22:16:00.000-05:00

It's really true everybody has a first. Stop and think about it. Well this simple peice of material from a quilt we had that was trashed (worn out). Sandy so carefully cut this heart out and put our 1st date date on it. And put it in this frame. We kept it on our bedroom shevels that I so hated to do. But did it and glad I did for this tresure.

We have our first steps, hard food,cake,drink from a glass, bathroom time, ect. all the stuff we would expect to be our first things in life. Then, we have to find a companion. That is part of it. Right? We ask our selfs, 'what is so hard about that?' PLENTY!! I'd always thought I was "to nice" for the girls. Never any luck find just a few dates to string along. Not happening.
Then you have a stroke of "Adultnism" and you find someone. Then that was not right and you knew it later than sooner. It happens to everyone one time or a few times. But reguardless "we are doing the right thing". So we thought.

Well, I had a different approch to things. If they are going to happen, let them happen. Must find out if this journey would pan out. As a brook making it's way to the ocean.

It happen to me the time I first asked Sandy to go out with me at Teri's house. ( down the street reseident). I'd thought that it was and could be the one. The stars were in our favor that day. Because it was the only DATE we every had. Just one. Can you even think of such a thing with our peirs. No. It dosn't happen alot. I'll never for get that evening. I took Sandy to have a dinner and play some pool and have a few beers. I was being my nice self. I was coming back to the spot we were standing for me to win the table for us ( I Did) and Sandy just got done meeting every one in the bar. (I introduced her to everyone thier that night) and she stood up and kissed ME! She said she "couldn't help it".

From that point on I'm going to remain the same person to her as it was just me being myself, and I liked it alot.

Who would have thought less than three months later I would ask Sandy to be my wife on Nov. 14th 1994. No one but me. I took Sandy to the same club. And put some quarters up for us to play partners. The others were tiped off what I was going to do. SO we got right up. They broke, then I shot. missed, they missed, then it was Sandy's turn. I put her rings over the end of the que. And watched carefully so that they wouldn't fly off. Sandy even asked "what" cause I was just making sure. She didn't even notice them until the moment I hoped for. She got ready for her shot and the rings slid down the que and hit her hand. She didn't quite know what was going on. Then I asked her if she would be my wife. And she said, YES.

That in many other things that packed our lifetime as our "FIRST". And we wouldn't have wanted any other way. We always laughed about those times. One quick one, when Sandy took me out for my brithday that summer. ( Aug 16th) we had a nice dinner, then the bill came and Sandy said. "I got the tip!" She took me out alright. I had the company of someone I'll NEVER meet another like My Dearest wife SANDY.

So, I gave Sandy a "Shadow Hug" today while the sun was shinning so bright earlier today, and I'll have one for her tonight at the Slapy'ies Maxys Club.

"Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign...."

2005-11-10T20:59:00.000-05:00

Hey, you know how it could be a 100 degrees in the house and Foot STILL would want to be right next to you?

- Yes, he is my Protector! More importantly, he finally learned that if I don't have jeans on, he's not allowed on my legs. So, he goes over to you.

Yeah, all the time.
What is that in the mason jar?
Is that mine or yours?

- I think it's yours? Power Aid I think. It could be a mixed Power drink:-)

I got one for you. Remember how you would ask me if you could help when I was changing your oil or something. You felt that you should help. I would say 'it's a one person job'? Well I asked for help today, and I wanted to say thank you again. That was the best sign ever.

-Your welcome, thought I would put my 2 cents in

It was great. That sight was a knock out, What are the chances of that? I lost the bi nockulars again!! I don't know where I put them now!!! And I still can't find the radio knob either for Big Red. I'll tell yah, I'm just beat! I have a couple of things to do when I get home, then I'm going to put some tunes on, or the 'sleep' timer on TV and crash. Also, I should get more done on the 69. I got the fuel line on today. It was funny, remember the 'chrome' nail polish I got for the die cast 69 GP? I was using it to touch up the fuel line. I put a scratch in my paint on one of the bends.
I think I'm going to busy Friday, SO I don't think I'll be able to post up. Hey one of these days, I want to make a poster like did with your drift wood art. I've seen them on the web and it's big bucks to have someone else to it for you.

-That will be fine. Just don't put any goofy pictures of me on it! I mean it!!

Honey - you don't have any of those ;-> I got to get the rest of the back yard leafs up sometime to. Blower time!! And I'll get some bags from Ace and use the rest of the card we won from Quaker Steak!!

-Don't do that!!! You might really need something special from there. Just go to Sears or something.

ok. Hey I love you and thanks again. You know I got one on your Jeep don't yah know?

- One, What?

A window sticker I did. Thats what I was asking about earlier. And I'm going to have them made up and sell to raise money for the Aneurysm Foundation in your name.

-Oh. That's cool.

I love you always- see yah later

thank you - LedZep

2005-11-09T22:28:00.000-05:00

If the sun refused to shine,
I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea,
There will still be you and me.

Kind woman, I give you my all,
Kind woman, nothing more.
Little drops of rain whisper of the pain,
Tears of loves lost in the days gone by.
My love is strong, with you there is no wrong,
Together we shall go until we die.
My, my, my, an inspiration is what you are to me,
Inspiration, look see.
And so today, my world it smiles,
Your hand in mine, we walk the miles,
Thanks to you it will be done,
For you to me are the only one.
Happiness, no more be sad,
Happiness....I’m glad.

If the sun refused to shine,
I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea,
There will still be you and me.

Just Talking Things Out

2005-11-09T19:45:00.000-05:00

Sandy, what are you doing?

- ME!? Just looking real cute with Foot for my Husband!! And having a beer.

-What are you doing?

Going nuts. Talking to myself. Not as bad as the weird guy that always walks down the sidewalk. He still dose that. I look up and talk to you. I talk about what the kids are doing, and me. I thought I would change the way I write. Because I can still hear you in my heart. And you do help me more than you know.
Hey, you know how you would ask me why I would be so diligent on a part that no one would see? And I would say because I know that it's there. Well, I was going let the fuel line just the way it was for the 69, but it bugged me to no end, and so I went ahead and finished it up nice. Of coarse I had to 'discuss' it. That always helps in anything. We did that allot. You always had your line if you didn't think I was on track 'we'll see' it always was. You do agree on what I said this morning? That we have allot of fun. I know we will again.
Did you know that the carry out near the tracks only carried Mich Light for you? They said no one else really buys it. I kinda think that was neat of them to do that. I have been just doing a little drink after work just to take the edge off. You know it dose kind of help. You must have told Foot that I needed some rest last night. He sure was wanting to go to bed. So I did. Then woke up for no apparent reason. Maybe the trash guys woke me, but it 6:30 am then I got up around 9:00am. What did you think about the lit show last night?
- There was some good ones. Some BIG flashes, like the fire works, few of the BIG streaks.
Yeah, those are the ones I like. I don't think I would ever get one on film. Oh, I'm gong to try to "same spot-four season" photo starting this winter. And I think I'm getting the stuff for our track light for your photo ready to put up. I have to get the rafters box out and the dimmer. Both are in shed.

Do you know what next week is going to be for us???
-Yes the 14th is when you proposed to me!
Are we going out for a beer or something??
-We could, if you want to?
I do, I do, I do.

Honey, I would like to go to group meeting on Sunday the 20th for Young Widow & Widowers.
What do you think?
-Well, OK. You know your going to the best looking one there!!!
Well, your there to. Remember your tattoo??
-That's right, we'll both be there. I think that talking things out will help.
Also, I want run this by you, I would like to cook turkey's for any around our house for thanksgiving using the deep firer.
-You'd better be careful, cause I Love You.
I love you to - Forever

This Is Real

2005-11-08T17:21:00.000-05:00

Oh Sandy, Sandy, how I miss YOU. I can't even begin to count the ways. More than the stars in the sky.

You must have not been feeling well. From what I can guess, seeing the pillows out on the futon, and you with your turtle suit on, it's my best guess. But the real reason I think that, is you have your two Orange kitties on you!. Scotty looks to be learning from Foot how things are done around our home. And he doesn't look to enthused about it either. Remember when you told me about Scotty "climbing up" my leg instead of jumping? You are right! About 60% of the time he still "climbs" up my leg to see what I'm doing on the computer. Then his 'kisses' Oh, I have to watch. Because I don't want the keyboard to get wet. And he dose follow me around the house now. And Scotty lets me kiss him now. Sometimes he pushes but not that much anymore.

And YOUR so smart Foot!!. He is something else. All the things he dose to you, he's doing them to me. Sunday, he was pulling the covers off me!! Then I didn't move and gave up and just waited next to me until I did. I've got to get to the vet for his spots!! I'll get Lora on it. I'll ask her to night via e-mail. But, he dose. He has me wrapped around his hands like you would not believe. Oh yes you could. You told me that he is VERY capitible of doing that. I put up a traction pad up for him on the side of the stove. He was having a time jumping. So now he dose the splatter. You know how he likes to see 'what's in the can'. The you always said "Scoot, Scoot". I just say "no" and "down". He gets it. But so much about YOUR Protector. He is that to me. He likes to hang with me, even if I'm reading my "Young Widow and Widower" forum board. He stays up a little latter than did before. But I know when it's time for him to rest.

Milky, Monty, Emily are just about the same. Milky has really attached her self to me. Not only can't I do the coupon thing, I can't read the mail, write checks out, or even just chill. She all over me. I don't mine for the most part, but she has to have her way. Foot was on my chest the other night and Milky just 'nosed' him right out. I told him that Milky was sorry. Then later I had Scotty, Milky, Foot on me while I was checking out something O.L.N. TV. Coves? Who needs them? We Got Kitties!!!!

Sometimes I wonder if this real Sandy, You know how I always came home and 'tried' to open the door without waking you? That is the hard part the empty house. (except for our kids), but you know what I mean. Sometimes I catch my self acting like your at work, then just about 1:30 or so, I notice that I look at my watch. Then there are a million other things. I can go on about more examples. I'm ready for it all to stop and we can jump right in with a new renewed sense of our being. Because YOU KNOW, I'm going to wait on you. I said I would be your husband forever. Well, I'm here so it's not the end of FOREVER any time soon. So, I'm yours.

Skid Row- I Remember You

2005-11-07T17:26:00.000-05:00

10. I Remember You

By the band Skid Row

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
The wind would whisper and I'd think of you
And all the tears you cried, that called my name
And when you needed me I came through

I paint a picture of the days gone by
When love went blind and you would make me see
I'd stare a lifetime into your eyes
So that I knew you were there for me
Time after time you were there for me

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you

We spend the summer with the top rolled down
Wished ever after would be like this
You said I love you babe, without a sound
I said I'd give my life for just one kiss
I'd live for your smile and die for your kiss

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you

We've had our share of hard times
But that's the price we paid
And through it all we kept the promise that we made
I swear you'll never be lonely

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
Washed away a dream of you
But nothing else could ever take you away
'Cause you'll always be my dream come true
Oh my darling, I love you

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you

Sandy, You Drive

2005-11-04T20:07:00.000-05:00

Most of Driver licenses Photos turn out bad, if not just horrid!! Right? But not my lovable,ever endearing, Bight Eyes, Sweetie, Sandy.

Sandy was not the freeway driver. But it's seemed I would always ask her if she wanted to drive. Either for a joke, or for real. But when we took the Jeep, I knew it deepened on the place we were headed off to if I drove or she did. Sandy really did not like my big cars. They are not big, well, two of them are. But Sandy was so used to sitting up in her Jeep being able to see every thing around her, she drove a VERY safe Jeep. Even slow over the tracks. I felt she was safe in it running around our home. As most can recognize a car from afar. We could spot each other on the road all the time. Toot the horn or a big wave out the window. And seeing the smile. It is for ME. And I would smile back and toss a kiss if we were at a light.

Sandy and I drove each other. Sometimes 'crazy' but we would really enjoy our company. We have a place of our own and enjoyed just being at our home. Just like "Dorothy"-there is no place home'. I know what I need to do, but like I said in previous posts, it's so hard to get them done. I guess small things first. It's time for me to get the garden stuff done for winter. I hope I don't mess it up!! I know Sandy will guide me. I'm going to start in the front. Then front gutter. The ladder is already out, then move to the back. At some point if don't rain, I'll get a fire going. The weekend again :-( Oh No. I'll be senitive to my needs and see if I come through. They are so hard for me.

I finished reading a book ' I Wasn't Ready To Say Good-Bye' very helpful. But oh so tough. I well up on a drop of a pin. I always will, I miss Sandy sooooo much. But we will be "home" again.

Pieces Parts To Make One Big Part

2005-11-03T22:33:00.000-05:00

You've have heard that saying, Right? It's Pop Culture! Just checking. I always like it.

This photo was taken right before we were going out. The dress Sandy has on was one of the two I bought for her. I remember that, "I did good" they fit and she really like them. And as always Foot was on the bed as Sandy was getting ready. And I noticed that the Blue plaid blanket matched her dress color. Then she said "awe Foot is all curled up, here take me picture with Foot." I faded out the background of our bedroom, it was before Sandy painted it a real nice blue. As you can tell that is Sandy's color. She also said that her hair was all 'whippy doed' up. Although I always like it straight or 'whipped' up.

Pieces Parts? What do you mean? Your asking as if anyone but me would know, or even read this. But if you are the on site, remember it's on how I'm doing and the changes that I'm enduring throughout, as my heart is now 1/2 empty. The parts that we put together to form our own lives. You pick something up along the way and apply it to your life. Either it be a new knowledge, a hobby or skill, ability, friends, family, a spouse. They all are parts you pick up. Some you can fit into the picture, like a puzzle, some will not. That is what you have to decide. I decided on Sandy a my framework, cornerstone, foundation, design, plans. And the big part at the end was two ole' kids still have the time of our lives. Well, now that the nature of things changed my plans. Some things, from what I'm reading will change to. I already know I'm not going to be the same Randy as I was. I will miss that part. I never wanted to grow up at heart. Who dose?? But the part I choose will now be more select for what I'm embarking on now. But, I see that the 'model' has changed for my 'big part'. I most now re think how I'm now going to fit things in as 1/2 Randy, lifetime of Sandy in to the result.

The Choice One Makes

2005-11-02T22:35:00.000-05:00

I myself always thought the "Photo Booths" that you saw when you were a kid was neat! And how your parents would try to get 1 strip of pictures for a $1.00 and have three different pictures on them. You know, They would pull you out, and stuff kid number 2 in and, as me being kid number three ( and the smallest) I would be last and hopefully they made in time. Or stuff and many people into thing and still be able to close the curtain?? That was fun?

Sandy and I are/were just like that!!! As you can tell from what I was doing;-) Being a "Goof", as Sandy put it. We were at a 'Free Movie Pre Screening' from the Other Paper. In the "game" area they had a new kind from when we were kids. Digital!!! ( I liked the old school ones better) But Sandy HAD to read the directions and started. Well, Out of the three, two Sandy didn't like they way she turned out, and the third one she did like then I pulled a little smooch!! I got in trouble.

(not really, but I was the bugger).

The choice you make when you are with someone always takes alot more thought. For example. I always told Sandy, I like to drive more responsible when she was in the car, than me doing a carburetor test while she's in the car. I didn't take unduly chances with her as a passenger. OR if you would focus all thoughts that you make to your self and not be consideration to any one else. That's not good at all. But when you are happy together those kind aren't a factor. Sometimes anyone can slip up. But the most part that is human nature.

I remember the day I'd came to realize that I was going to ask Sandy to be my wife. It was right around this time of the year. Because I had to find "the Ring". I could not do no wrong in this choice. We had a rented house, with option to buy (we didn't know that yet). Then it was on, The choices I made would not only effect me but they would effect someone else. That is a big one. Like if was on the other hand, if you to leave that person. It would just the opposite. Some say, you would feel the burden of that person leave your shoulders. Also, some say they find new things that replace that happiness they once had with new way of living. Many things can happen from studies of social behavior. They can do things differently and even rub their family's lifestyle the wrong way. But is why they do these studies, everyone is different and it's a way to get grant money.

Now, it's time for the REAL title. We didn't have a CHOICE. The devastation beyond human control, what has happen to us. I had made some stops today to let some guys know that I knew we couldn't have done anything else on that 'dark' morning. I wanted them to know I knew that we could have. It did bring on some red eyes. But, I told them I had to tell them, I knew. I was told buy a long ago employer, if you believe in something. It's your right to have that and make any current choices from your belief. Whether is normal or not. But was is Normal? Their again, We didn't have that choice to have one of us have our hearts ripped out like a wild beast on a hunt. Nope, wouldn't want that? But, then there times that our world now forces us to make NEW choices. Hurricanes, earthquakes, we would have to move to less prone area. But then if you are ready to accept the set of new choices that will bring upon. It has to be right, and for the good.

The hardest thing that I'm dealing with now is still for US, but I must dig harder into my feelings to make a good choice. Simple stuff, What coffee to buy? What brand of TP should I get? Should I make up the entire box of spaghetti or not? I should have, as much of a 'mess' I made. Now I have to do it again the next time.

Just For Me

2005-11-01T23:13:00.000-05:00

Just for me, alright. One afternoon I came home from work and Sandy handed this picture to me. She said "This is just for You!". I'm sorry Honey, but I love the fact that you made a 'special' trip to have this taken 'just for me'. (As I wipe the tears from my eyes)
I found the wallet sizes Monday.

She also said said that she wanted to show off her rings. Wedding rings that is. She said too, that she is proud to be married to me. As I am to her.

I was going through the house over the weekend_ oh Monday I was busy and didn't get to work on this_ and just admiring all the things I gave her for little presents. Sandy liked the little tea candle holders. I would try to find different ones for her. Then I had to make some shelves for them. Which I did, and they look good. I try to keep a bag or the tea candles at the house, Just so I can light up the living room.

( But very careful of them, and cat safety is carefully watched).

PRESENTS.......... What is going to happen these holiday season? I'm not looking forward to it that is for sure!! Sandy would ask me if I wanted one of mine at the stroke of midnight, even on my birthday. I would take after her, and ask Sandy the same. We would tease each other prior to X-mass if either one of use would wanted a present, because neither of us could stand the wait.

The Grand Prix is just about ready to start. Had some things come up that I could get it to as much I wanted. Mainly, I'm doing every thing all at once. From one moment I'm wrenching, the next I'm washing dishes. I was kind of like that before......But now, really bad. A friend gave me book to read, and it said that I would that for a while. YOU DO.

Things gloomy, with time change and the weather change ever so fast. BUT, this past weekend was nice weather. I had thought, if I was not trying to get the 69 GP going I should have been working on the flower beds. Sandy would have been. Foot was with me for a spell this weekend to. He is so smart. Says right around the yard. Mainly the deck. Every time I would go to the shed. I would stop and toss a leaf for him to attack. He's a kitten at heart.

More to come on The Same Blog Channel

Hide and Seek

2005-10-28T17:06:00.000-04:00

What comes to mind when I found this, was Gomer Pyle 'Surprise, Surprise, Surprise'.

Last night I had a couple of things I wanted to start to tackle at the house. My computer desk top, and put some clothes away. Well, I came across the VERY FIRST picture I took of Sandy. I carried it in my wallet for a long time.

I remember the scene. We were going down to Lancaster for a Motorcycle Trial event and a common friend was their, so we went on a fall crisp day. I didn't want Sandy to get to dirty out in the woods. I had put on my old BMX racing paints. I was helping 'check' this section for the event. Sandy helped out too. So their was a break in the riders, I snapped this shot. She was peeling a twig's bark off. She did that to keep her hands busy. I would say it was taken early part of Nov 1994 right before I proposed to her. (that was the 14 th)

Only Sandy would know where alot of stuff is in the house, or not. I'm still not comfortable sleeping in bed. I think what will have to happen. I'm going to have to get super tried, and just do it. I have not touched to much of Sandy's stuff. I have kind of grabbed a couple of photos from the bin, for these pictures. And some were already out and about. I'm sure their will be many heart wrenching things to find when that time comes. I'm saving that event until I really have to. For instance, I'm not going to do our taxes this year. I'll find someone who could them instead of me. I was, but not now. I'd think it would to hard for me. I know where some stuff is kept, but I don't need it now so I'll just let those papers rest. I feel that I need to start a photo album with negatives. That is going to be a hard one.

I have a life time in the house. The reason I say 'lifetime'? Cause it was my life. Life as I knew, respected, loved, cherished, was that life with Sandy my "sweetie". The things we did to the house, the plants, the little nick nacks we have. For some, that might be to overwhelming. And it would be. But, for me. It's looking out of a glass bowl, I can see out, but don't want to leave it for to long. I have to draw help even for our house. Crazy it may sound, but it's true. It's part of making Sandy proud of me, that I can do it.

So it the weekend. OH NO. The hardest time of all. But I think I can get the car running by Sunday!!. I Hope so!!!!! Also, did some things out with Sandy this morning. Looks real good. Wish me luck for the weekend!!! (those who are in this state know, weekends are bad)

later until Monday

Take me to the Show

2005-10-27T21:28:00.000-04:00

This is our big adventure to the Great smoky Mountains. The trip had it's share of "adventures" alright. But, we wouldn't have at any other way!

We took Sandy's beloved 1989 Jeep. (seen in photograph) I drove on the trip. Sandy didn't like freeway driving. But the Jeepter had a work out. We found these bears at one of the many "gift shops" they have down there. Funny thing about the photo, was that Sandy's hem came out of here left leg. So, it is much longer than her right. So, She put her foot up on the rock so it would not be as noticeable. We stayed in Townsend TN. About a mile from the west entrance to the park. On the way down, we had to stop at Corbin KY to see the KFC museum. It was the first KFC restaurant. And we could not go with out buying our first real fireworks in Pigeon Forge. Ever since then we buy them down there, or don't mess with the small stuff much. Go for the top shelf. Sandy although, still like the small stuff. That was a fond memory's of her getting the little "tanks" and other noise maker items. As you can see, the weather didn't have no bearing of the fun we always have out on the road. Oh, the adventures.. Lost before we get their, overheating on the trip home, the awsome rainbow while eating mountain pizza, tons and tons more. I'll never forget them, just for me.

I have not posted in a couple of days. I have been busy at work and then I have found that I have a scanner problem I have to get worked out, and Last night went to see
Mr. Buddy Guy. I had taken Jim with me. I converted a new member to the Blues side of music. But it was a good show. I was their with Sandy spirit standing in front of me. We both liked Buddy's shows. He was sporting a new CD. Which he was signing after the show. So, I got a couple of CD's, and I stood in line to have mine signed along with the stub. I had a chance to ask him if he got a letter concerning this show? He asked 'when did you sent it?' I told him. He replied that 'he hadn't been home'. So I'm sure he might still get the letter.

Today, was a tearful filled day. Foot and I played in the yard some. Scotty gave me "Scotty Kisses" off and on all day. Milky is just glued to me when I sit down. Emily, is coming out to eat with the rest of them now. That's good. Just over all, missing Sandy to the max. I can just see my heart dragging behind me in everything I do any more.

Today I cry, Today I fall
My life weeps of You
I pass the memories that You gave me
I cry for more that You can make
I miss you
I miss you
I will see you in the end
then we can be one again
Your with me everyday
when I cry, when I fall
Cause I know I must be strong
to climb up to you
Sandy I'll be right there

"I'm on 'E'- Not for "Extra Full" Either

2005-10-24T20:09:00.000-04:00

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK ON PICTURE TO OPEN JUST THE PICTURE.

Oh my! We just traveled across these United States via air flight to arrive in Portland Oregon to see our good friend Val. We got up, like something like 5:30 am 'our time' and tied one on during the flight, then sobered up a 'little' then arrived in Portland and got another one on. You know, to get the time adjustment straight in one day. Notice on enlargement picture, How red my eyes are. And doing coffee, Sandy is having a pint of a dark beer. She got the taste of it from tasting my dark beers and acquired a taste of it of her own. Later part in the week, we headed out to Goldendale, WA for a World Round Trials. We rented the biggest boat* they had. (*=largest full size car). It was loaded. I remember, that we took it around to the sections, most we could drive using the small town. They were positioned on the outskirts of town, so the loop was not that bad by foot. Anyway, one was up this good size hill. WALK! No way!! We have a rental car. We drove almost 1/2 way up this fire road so we could look at this section a day prior to the actual event. Sandy was worried. And on the way out to Goldendale, we saw some awesome water falls through the Dells.

.......

Merriam Webster Online Dictionary

Main Entry: good-bye
Variant(s): or good-by
Function: noun
Etymology: alteration of_God be with you
1 : a concluding remark or gesture at parting -- often used interjectionally
2 : a taking of leave _a tearful good-bye

I have vowed not to say this to people I care about. It is just to Final

This just a reminder.

This weekend was a tuff one. I had hoped to have some people come by for a fire on the deck. So I got all kinds of stuff, including veggies and dip. I cooked out myself with microwave real potato. Got a fire going, ate, getting ready for company, and NOTHING. Oh well. This was a planned "event" for me. Meaning if I have the 'will' to do something extra. I have time to syic myself up for it. So, I went though with it. Sandy was with me. I called a couple of folks. Got invited up to have dinner on Sunday with Brett's family. I ended up giving the vegie's to the house next door. They had people over. I couldn't even stand to eat them. I didn't get much done on the car. -bad randy
Well I have a wire issue. But I got it turned around and will get on it tonight after work. Woke up with no heat. Sandy just HATED our furnace. Well, I do to. So Earl is checking out a new one for me. To see if I should get this one.

Empty. Yes I feel that just about all the time. Weather I tuck it away for a while, it's still there. It is hard to get used to this type of feeling when one moment, your life is full with each other and the next, it's GONE as you knew it. Val sent me a book that has some helpful things in it so far. One thing I need to do is to escape realty. To do something that has to have total thought process applied. Do you know what that might be???? Biketrials. I'm going to start a small rides, to get in shape of sorts, and start again. I know I have the skills, just have to take it easy. There is no way I can compete at the level I did. But I can challenge myself by doing BikeTrials.

Is there a "extra full". Yes at one time their was. ( look at photos ) But now? It's just empty. I have to work twice as hard to get done with my day. There's a million times I would think "I'd ask Sandy, She would know". I feel in my heart, It's going to be that way until we meet again.

Light My Way

2005-10-21T20:04:00.000-04:00

Sandy was about four and I was about four also.
I put these two photos together, to show I wish I knew Sandy since she was little.

Sandy is the "Baby" of the family. And I am the "Baby" of my family. I always thought that was kind of Ironic. Then with our names so close was another one to. I have heard from our friends and family, you couldn't hardly say one with out the other. Our friends that moved to Portland gave the name that is the title of this blog.
"The Andy's"

Today I was on a mission. I needed to find a lantern of some sort for a candle I have out with Sandy. I figured, I'm out there every morning. I have found a candle at Big Lots that will burn for almost three days. Its only a buck. Being thrifty. I've heard that the 'real' site lanterns can cost some big bucks. So, I converted a metal bird feeder over to a candle holder. I wouldn't have had to if the weather would not have put the candle out that was in a vase. So, I thought I would turn the vase on it's side to keep it dry. It was working just fine. I was under the umbrella and doing my coffee. Then 'crack'. The vase got to hot and with the rain, it was history. I kind of just watched it for a spell, then I was off to find something. I ended up at Home Depot after multi store searches.

As the two of us walked through life together, we lit our own way. We were always curious what was to happen next. Even the time Sandy planted garlic for the first time. Just the small stuff seemed like it was the best. Or the time we rented a luxury car while in Portland and took on the fire roads. I told her we got the "walk away renters insurance" and not to worry. It was funny.

Sandy did light my way. As I lighted her's. I'm sure of that. How could you NOT light Sandy's way as a family, friends, and what was the most to her, me her husband. She Is the Best.

Love Always to you Sandy.
Randy

(ps that is how we signed our notes- love always)

"If Heartaches Were Nickels, I'd Be Richest Man Alive"

2005-10-20T22:43:00.000-04:00

Sandy and Foot!! Foot is Sandy's "Protector". She always told me that, and him to. If Sandy was in the yard doing garden stuff, he was right there "helping". Either making a 'Foot Mound' are chasing butterfly's. We would go out to the yard and lay out their with Foot and Milky Way and play and roll around in our Zoysia 'carpet' lawn. We would! Because it is like a carpet. One time Sandy went 'cat fishing' off the deck. Now that was funny. Foot was playing like the kitten he really is at heart.
This was taken in 2003 spring. Oh it's really funny when Foot would sink into the grass, like us walking in deep snow.

"If Heartaches Were Nickels, I'd Be Richest Man Alive" Joe Bonamassa

This artist has this song out. A blues style song. The words are so true. I feel that I was the man he was talking about in that song. Except, this not a break up. But still holds true. Looking to start reading some of the good word. I think I need to get some hope into my life. At this point, anything is good. Just like some other things, I don't have anything else to loose, I lost everything that mattered to me. But not to be stupid or anything. I wish I could be with her now.

Planning on having a fire out on the deck this Saturday evening. Hopefully Brain and a few other will show up. Let me think real hard about it's not going to rain!!! I even bought Muncie food. Will not go to Giant Eagle again for shopping!! That place is expensive. I would rather go to 'Wally World'.

Sandy hit the Lottery again!!! That is three times so far. It was the Pick3. Sandy always played for 50 cents, box. It is her brithday number. 1-0-2. The lady at the carry out said "Sandy is going to help you win BIG !". I hope so.

Not Fair!!!

2005-10-19T23:21:00.000-04:00

Sporting our Summer shirts. Enough said. Actually, we were at Dianne's house for something. I really don't remember. But it must have been something, I don't have a hat on!! :-)

Some folks say "there was a reason for her". Then in rebuttal I have to say "What was it?" But I don't. Because no one dose. So, in the mean time, I putting some change into my life. Starting small. Trying to curb my language first. And while my heart and spirit is running all over the floor, I must try to carry on with out the truly one thing I love forever. Yes, you have other family, but it's not the same and a spouse. And then, have her taken in such away, Sandy didn't even have a chance. That is what is not fair.

I remember That morning. It goes over and over and over in my mind everyday!!!! And then, that prior Wednesday, I gave Sandy two coins. Both 1965 issue. One was a dime (her favorite) and a quarter. I polished them up to look new and gave them to her for "luck". Then she says she has been collecting 1960 &1965 coins for a long time. They are in the jewelry box. Well they didn't bring her much luck. But, I'm not mad at anyone or The Man. It's just that I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. The missing part of me just hangs there in limbo and will be like that until we meet again. I break up all the time around the house. And the kitties now look at me as Mom and Dad. I noticed that Foot, was angry with me today because I didn't let him out. He wanted to go out at 3:10 pm. I was getting cleaned up to come to the work. I'll try to make it up to him.
I know I said I will make Sandy Proud of me. I think for the most part I'm doing o.k.
I've taken up to have a candle out with Sandy. I gives me a light of Hope and to her too.

Something that I thought of:

As the leaves fall from the trees
The Sun grows weaker
Days are shorter
Plants return to the soil
Bugs vanishes from the air

This is how I am:

Tears fall from my eyes
My muscles is weak
The lonely nights are long
I'd rather be home with Sandy
I see the plains fly wondering where I'm going

Road Trip

2005-10-17T22:27:00.000-04:00

Was on a Mission this chilly Spring day. I had showed Sandy a Pontiac Advertising poster that had a woman and a man in a faded background. Then the car was then a studio shot. The people part of the photo was going to me and her. I'll never get that chance. Unless I go through our photos to try to find something that I can get to work via the computer. But we went out to High Banks Park off of Rt 23 to take some shots of the car and hick around a bit. So while I was taking some of the car. I got this one with Sandy. She really did riding in the 76 Pontiac Grand Prix.

This past weekend I went down to Georgia to see Sandy's Brother, Mark and his family. I rented a car for the trip. We went one time to Townsend TN to the Smokies then down to Mark & Lori place. Sandy's Jeep dose not like the mountains. Had multi stops for over heating issues.
( new radiator finally getting in- going to anyway for this winter) And the deer are out. Sandy always stayed up while I was driving at night to keep a eye out for deer. Rental car insurance is a good thing. But the car I got was a nice full size car for today's standards. And fast. My average speed for 607.8 miles including gas, and restroom stops was 68 on the way down, then for 625 miles on the way back (got lost) was 69 mph. I was moving.

I was able to give Mark something that I know he will cherish, that was Sandy's. I gave
him Sandy's finishing tackle box. I was a wreck when I gave it to him, rightly so. Then for Lori, was kind of different. Lori had given Sandy hiking boots. ( I call them SUV shoes) Sandy had worn them for about 6 or 7 years. Until this past winter (04-05) She and I went out to get her some new ones. She found some that were really nice. Well I had to get some to. So, to return the favor, I gave Lori her boots. Silly, but I know that she will think of Sandy when she wears them as Sandy thought of Lori when she had her ole boots on.

We had some super BBC and a BB gun shooting gallery. Luke and Tayor are a good shot also. I can't shoot mine here at the house. It looks like a real gun. Bought a some more fireworks shells while I was south. WE would have done the same.

The sad thing about this trip. I had to tell my co-worker where my will is, if anything would have happened.

Then and Now

2005-10-14T18:30:00.000-04:00

Sandy and I took a Spring tour of Innis Woods Gardens in Westerville. She said this is her favorite park. They had something going on this day we went. So the park had more than normal people there. It was funny, because Sandy had packed a small cooler with couple of sandwiches, chips, brownies, and one Coke. (So we could "split it"-she always did that) So we found a nice spot and had lunch, looking at the pretty blue sky's, birds, just taking it all in on that day. Just as we finished up, Park Ranger came up, and said "Now that your done, you are not allowed to have a picinic here on the grounds". "Really! Well OK. We know now" we kind of both said it.
Some of the walking trails were closed for maintance, so we walked to other places we had never been. This was one of the "Funny" pictures that we sought out. Sandy had a butterfly land on her for arm for the picture! And of course, her pig tails are just the best!!

I had major tears when I was working on the photo to upload.

-----
We have gone so many places that are just awesome. I can't even tell you. But all those places are going to be just "places". And not "visits". To me a big differences. Places: are just points unknown until you stop and ask. Visits: are sharing in the experience of the place you stopped. We have a ton of those. I hope I never loose those thoughts and joys we have together. Nothing will be the same. All just places.

Taking a trip to Atlanta GA this weekend. To see Mark and his family. Also the 69 has more parts on the block. Going to work on the car hard next week!!!

Beginning of the end

2005-10-12T22:57:00.000-04:00

How weird, That I would choose this VERY special photo with the title of this entry.

We took this one near Watkins Glenn NY. I was at this very same spot 4 years prior to meeting Sandy. I had taken a bunch of water fall photos from a stream that was running past the 1992 World Round Trials sections. I had some of them mounted and framed. While we were redoing the living room. I had even lost the negs to those. I wanted to show Sandy where they were taken from, and take some more. And get a shot of us while we were at the same place.

I had got Sandy across the steam. I set up one of the cameras I had. I wanted this one to match the others, blk/wht was the way to go. I had 10 seconds to get imposition. Well, I made it ( as you can see ). But what happened next was so bad, it was bummer. We're ready to take off for the next location. Sandy made it back to the correct side. The water was rushing and to Sandy's left about 4 feet was a 45 degree fall of about 20 feet.Then I grabbed the camera that took the shot from arm's length, while still in water up to my knees. Then Vroom!! One step closer to the edge, I was in water up to my high chest. CAMERA INCLUDED. (both of them) Sandy gasped! I said a few Poop's. Oh well!. Out of all the film I shot that trip. This was the only one that came out.
(Sandy again showing her hand)

Goinginto our favorite stores (i.e. Dollar General, Deals, Big Lots) havingall the Holiday stuff out. Sandy's favorite Holiday is Christmas byfar. But I have no Idea what I'm going to be doing during the season.It's very disheartening to even think of it. I will have to come up with something. I know I'm going to deep fry a Bird for sure. Even if I dotwo or three for the neiboroughs.

Today I picked up a few copies of Dirt Rag magazine. They did a news story about Sandy. I sent them apicture for pubucation and came out real nice. The copy was great that Sue wrote.

More

You know the adage 'This is the first day of the rest of your life' ? Well, I feel that all of this is closer to the end for me. NOT that I'm going to do anything bad to myself. It's just that, I have to live with this emptiness for the rest of my days. Man-O-Man, that dose hurt the most. What ever The MAN has in store for me, I wish it come soon. The not knowing is just as bad as this heart I have missing from me.

Us

2005-10-11T19:48:00.000-04:00

Two things about this photo. First, the view of Sandy is the very same view I saw of her when I was doing bike tricks at the park. I looked up, and never saw her face, until that afternoon at Teri's house. Second, we were on our way up to Put-In-Bay when a deer park sign came up and in the AAA book. We had a nice time. Sandy was almost nervous about how aggressive some were. This one was all by it self and Sandy took the time to make sure it had some.

We have something going on here that was a super special thing being in love with each other. To the point, we wanted to make sure each of us was going to be OK if anything like this might of happen. But now that it HAS happened, nothing in the world could get us prepared for this life changing twist. I know Sandy didn't want me to go back to Illinois to be buried. She said that she would visit everyday, and me to her. Well, that is what is going on. I have a mug a coffee with her as to get my day started. IF I don't. I know I wouldn't feel right. Today, I was late getting their. I was not "right" I didn't think it would brother me, but it did.

So with the days getting colder, I have plans for my visits. I think they will work. Jim (an outdoors / hunter) gave me some suggestions for warm stuff.

We knew each other better than we knew ourselves. At least I can say we hit it off the best. Sandy would say "your the best looking man here" if we were out. And I would say it to her. And we would embrace and giggle. If Sandy wanted something I FINALLY learned that if she said "I'll get up and get the butter" It meant that 'Randy can you get up to get the butter" But it took forever to learn this, because lots of times I didn't need the butter myself. I have tons,tons,tons of things like that I'll never forget. We knew that we would be each others forever. And I plan on keeping this way.

Oh, some things I don't say any more. 'Goodbye' = CYA, 'Sandy's Furneal' = Sandy's thing, keeping in present terms.

Woke Up calling for Sandy!!!

2005-10-10T21:58:00.000-04:00

Yep, I knew I would one of these days. But first, some fun stuff.

This one was taken the first time we went up to Duluth MN for a World Championship Trial Event. It was the Side trip off the freeway. As always Sandy had her AAA book for the journey. She saw that their was a place called the "Wisconsin Dells". So we stopped because all the water park slides and the usual tours signs. We pulled off at the landing for the river ride. Then went to the next exit to check out the area. (Needless to say. We went to the Dells the following year during the next moto trials event.) So, we pulled into this old putt-putt course. Surprising enough, it looked like someone was trying to bring it back. Sandy and I have this fond nuttiness for "goofy" road side attractions snap shots. We have a photo album dictated just for these type of pictures. Will post more these. They make me smile.
This past weekend I was trying to do some stuff around the house. Kinda blew the leaves down on sidewalk. Now just need to put them in a bag. But more are falling. Was supposed to go to the American Motorcycling Assco. Hall of Fame induction. Dad was supposed to be there. I didn't see him. I left a message at the "check in" table. No Nothing, all I can say GO FIGURE. Then took a couple of hours to figure out how I was going to get the Pontiac 400 in the 1969 Grand Prix. Took a brake from that. Then Got rallied to see PENN STATE play osu at BW3. I was the only PENN STATE fan their. I left a 1/2 time. ( Safety reasons-hehe) Went home and messed around with the kids. Well they were all over me that night. So, I thought I would curl up with them in our bed. The 3 rd time in bedroom in 6 weeks. (slept with light on) And fell asleep. Next thing I knew I was saying "What Honey, I got It" I must have said it a couple of times because I woke up saying that. So, I was a eggshell of the day.

Then, Sunday, Teri told me that Chance had to be put down. Chance and Sandy were buds. I could do anything around Sandy when we were over at their house because Chance was right their for Sandy,

Can I Take IT??????????

2005-10-06T22:49:00.000-04:00

You can read the fine print? Then you get to the "X" where they want you to sign. And most all the time the person always takes their pen and makes it bigger. They could let us figure that out on our own, you'd you think?

Well, I had one of those today. I had some more official signing today. Sandy beloved Jeep's tag are expired on her b.day. So, I had to remove her name from the title. I got a notice from AAA Club. That Sandy's membership will not be renewed. (her mother's gift)
And Sandy in turn got one for me.

The slow and difficult time of erasing someone from paper is not easy. Sandy will never be gone from me. Or a million other people that knew her. The space in my heart for her, was my whole heart. So, by taking her off paper is tough, just think about what I'm going through.

I do have great people helping me. More that I say about family. Teri is all good. But still have reservations about the other two that live here.

Oh, another thing......... I wish there could be another way to greet people, besides " how you doing, Randy". Sandy had one "Hey, what are you do'n?" I'd heard that the phase a million times, went she would pick up the phone, or start a conversations, and I would just grin. 'Just Me' for a reply for "How Many?" is hard to.

I wrote Buddy Guy a letter on Sandy's birthday. I explained what was going on about the everything and how I was planning on a surprise party and then fly into Chicago to see his club. I told him that Sandy is a great fan of the Ford Mustang. (1965) And how she wanted one of her own. She would find 'her' Mustang at car show and find out what they did to get it looking like theirs, then see I could do the same if we got one. And how we we change the name in "Mustang Sally" to 'Sandy'. I asked him if he could deicaite that song to my Sandy on the 26th when he plays PromoWest. I told him my seat number. So something could happen. No matter. It's going to hard to have fun with out Sandy. I'm just representing the both of us.

picture day on Friday.

Life Lasting Moments

2005-10-05T23:40:00.000-04:00

You know when you stop and try to think of something and you can't? Then you go on to the next thing, and you remember the first?

That is how I'm doing things now. But then I saw this picture in a folder I keep next to my Mac that I must of scanned at one time or another. This is from a place called Rock City.
Just east of Allegheny State Park in western NY. It was a privet attraction. But we wanted to see what the brochure was all about. We Did!! See it in my hand? There again no one was around. I set up the camera on timer. I think Sandy was not quite ready (can you tell? - But Sandy always had a habit of looking away from the camera lens at the last moment. She did it on this one. I would ask her to not look away) We were on our way to Watkins Glenn for a World Moto Trial event.

My mind just goes and goes on and on about the life I had with Sandy. A million moments every second. You'd think that this is just a heart crushing break up. NOOOOOOO, it's a LIFE LONG DEPRESSION because Sandy is in the HEAVENS. Sandy is the ONLY PERSON I EVER WANTED TO LOVE.

I see something, BOOM it's Sandy. The thoughts are all good. That's all we had 99.99% of the time. But, the emotions are just so hard. I know that I can carry on. But is tough act.

Just another day_night

2005-10-04T19:02:00.000-04:00

I'll try to explain this picture. This was taken
at our hotel during the 2005 All GM Show of Carlisle. The hotel was about ten or more miles from the show site, but we got one with a POOL. (As per requested by Sandy)

The funny thing was, I spent a while waxing the car. Then we went swimming. I'm not a good water person. Sandy was a fish. When we were in the pool, I would have her hold me like a child. She was TRYING to teach me how to float on this trip. To no avail. I sink like a rock. I told her that, she was convinced that she could get me to tread water. NOPE, it was not going to happen.

I have so much on my "plate" now it's not even worth trying to find out what I need to do first. But, I have to get my bills online so I can pay them in auto mode. Last night an today I was trying to find the most current issue of DIRT RAG.

DIRT RAG is mountain bike mag that would cover competitions for the NEPS Biketrials scene. Brad, one of the writers rode sport class in Stock Class. He started working there and made a good impact on the events. I became friends with him, and became one of my "kids" as I called them. He sent me an email not to long after I posted on the trials list forum about the news of Sandy, wanting a picture for print and he was going to do a write up of her. It's in there. Now I just have to find some copies.

It's difficult to explain that when you had ten years of true love and marriage it's now a love of a life time when she is not physically with you. I guess this could be for any break up. But when your soul mate passes away,,,,,,,,,, it's like your heart and your own life gets ripped out. Well it did, and that hole is going to be there forever. Sandy and I knew we were in this for the long haul. ( i.e. 'as long as you shall live') but we took that a step further. We meant it forever.

The things I seem to notice more. Is the time passes very quick now. I noticed the most is that the time just slips away faster. I really can't seem to get any one thing done. I did put the laundry away, but the socks are still all over the bed. Then I had to take a deodorant shower and come to work. It has been over a month and it seems like just last week. Although, when my brother had a fatal ascendant in 1982, that seems like a few years ago, Gramps has been gone for 10, that seems like a couple years ago. Now with Sandy. I life has just stopped as far as I'm concerned. I will not have the joys that I would have if Sandy was with me. Granted, I must do things for me, it will never be the same. Just another day of mere mortal exsiantance.

I do have a goal to keep me going of sorts. Make Sandy proud of me.

Small Goals in My Life_Now

2005-10-03T20:20:00.000-04:00

I'm found out that this blog is only going to be a Monday - Friday gig. My Mac at home can't handle it I guess. Also going to try to post pictures as I go.

This not a very good one, but it neat one. Sandy is very proud of the fact that she is married to me. Notice the how she placed her hand to show her rings off. We were at Lake Erie and just got finished eating a pizza from a local shop from Port Clinton

Rolled in to the house at 4:20 am Saturday. (Late nite Friday) I got up around 8 a.m. and did a few things around the house. I went out to see Sandy for a while. While I was there, Dianne and Cindy came out. I gave them some time. They rolled out in about 5 mins. I gave back Dianne's house key Sandy had on her key ring. Other than that, still not much there.
weird thing was that Cindy never even stopped to see her mother in law that was right near by. Oh well, I suppose.

I had made a plans up to stop by the "Cruise the Ville" car show down at Graceland Center. Couple of car owners I wanted to see. One was the owner of 1969 Grand Prix, the couple are the original owners of the car. We have talked at shows before. But I told them of news of Sandy, and told them I would see them later.

Then off to Sandy's favorite restaurant in town. Toni, didn't know either. Sandy even used to work there. I gave her a copy of the poster I made of Sandy, ( 8 x 10 version)
Toni said that she will frame an display on the wall. She called her "Bubbles". Sandy was always smiling and laughing, just a very cheerful person. Just so happens the top Sandy had on had "Double Bubble" gum logo on the front.

I messed with the 69 GP for a spell then got cleaned up for my field trip. Columbus Collage Art and Design. They have a new expo on "Wheels". It was very neat to see cars and bikes set up in a gallery setting.

Got home about 9:30 p.m. and got some rest. I had a big day planned.

Sandy's birthday------

I got up at 5 a.m. Said "Morning sweetie, Happy birthday" I checked to see what time the sun came up. Looked on the web. I needed to see how much time I had to get ready. Made a pot of Joe. And made up some ham sandwiches and grabbed some other Munchy food, water and Power Aid. I ended up make another pot of coffee for my thermos. I grabbed my note book, Readers digest, Sandy's portable TV. ( needed batteries ) Left the house and went to Westerville Krogers to get a card and fresh flowers, 10 D batteries.

I started to set things up for the entire day. (Sun up to Sun down) I said my prayers and then............I was a wreck for he next 2.5 hrs. I wrote out a card, then I thought I would write Buddy Guy. I hope he gets the letter, I'll let you know what happens with that plan. We had some people come by, Jodi brought some cake. Oh, I had hats and a table center decoration. Jodi had a balloons and a flower. Then Teri came by for a while. Pam came out then DJ. Then I was a wreck again for about the next 2 hrs until I had to leave. Which was 7:25 pm. I said I would do this every time that Sandy's B-day comes around. Or even any Holiday. I don't have any where else to go. I'm going to a "third wheel".

Countdown

2005-09-30T23:27:00.000-04:00

It is countdown time for Sandy's birthday. Oct 2. I had plans to throw a surprise party for her with all of our friends and then whip out 2 tickets to the windy city for a weekend so we could go to Buddy Guy's club. We would had a blast. I had a chance to go while on a trip for work. Sandy called me a "dogger". I knew I wanted to take her this year because it was to be her 40th.

I always said to her that she was my 28 year old. That is when I meet her. When she was 28. Time stood still ever since then. I don't think she knew what I meant by saying "My 28 Year old". But that was meaning.

I seen that Buddy was coming to Columbus on the 26th of Oct. I'm going in her honor, with Jim. Jim and Lora has helped me a lot. I want to do something for them, this a start.

Saturday night/Sunday morning I'm packing a big lunch box. My plans are to spend it all day at the cemetery with Sandy on her brithday. From the crack of dawn to dusk time (when the cemetery is open and closes)

I have a table center piece and bday hats. The reason, just to see her mother and any one else that might show up. This is just getting stupid on them not contacting me. And I work nights, and they know it. So there is a weekends. I guess this will shake things up. But, at least I'll see them. OR do I even want to?????

Come high water, I'm spending it with Sandy. And I'm even going to be wearing shorts. So I see my ink of Sandy.

I'll be most likely a mess, but it's something I HAVE TO DO.

One Month So Far

2005-09-30T00:18:00.000-04:00

It's been a month so far and my life as I knew it, is now over. I knew on the day Sandy suddenly passed away. I would never be the same.

Sandy always said to me "Sure must be nice, to have someone make dinner for you, clean house and wash clothes, what are going to without me?" At that point, I'd never thought of what I would do with out her. But I'm learning VERY fast.

Few of the main things I have done to keep going. One thing I HAD to do, was to get a tattoo of Sandy. I found the best portrait tattoo artist in town. I showed her the photo that I wanted and asked if it could be done. Julie said it was perfect photo for a tattoo. I converted the on from my gallery and made it grayscale, and adjusted the contrast. And I was off for a journey of a life with Sandy on my leg. ( Julie added some elements that was important to me, worked it up to a tattoo rendering) Five hours latter, Sandy was their forever on me. But, I have to go back to have it finished.

I went shopping for food. That was VERY hard to do. I was a wreck. I thought if Sandy had in the house, it was good to keep in the house. So, if I use something, I'll write in down to replace it on the next time I go shopping. Our little quite street, the neighbors have been helping me with leftovers. So, basically, I only eat once a day. Eating is not one of my things right now. Like I have to force my self to eat. ( not good ) I ended up have a person from the store help me.

Some might say this is bad. But I knew Sandy never wanted to be alone. She said if I would pass she would come to me everyday. That is what I'm doing. I have coffee with her from mid mornings to noon. Have not missed a day, and will not miss a day, unless I'm out of town on the two vacation spots we made plans for next year.

We have 5 cats. With 5 different personalities. Foot (15 years), Milky Way (13 years), Monty & Emily (10 years, Milky's real kids), and the baby, Scotty (3 years). They would normally "rest" while Sandy was at work. But as soon as they heard the Jeep, they were up. I work 2nd shift, so I was home until 3:30 pm. Taking care of those kids is a full time thing now. Em's is now super scarred of me. She was on the verge of being super skiddish before, but now. I don't know what is up. Em's is eating and stuff, just not with me. Sandy said she wanted to come back as a cat. I'd rather her come back as my Sandy as before. Foot and Milky, they were grounded for a while, until they got to know me better. I took him to the Vet for a check up. Foot was "Sandy's Protector". I don't want anything happen to him. Milky was take med shortly after being grounded, and with the medication, she has not gone out yet. I'll have to take those two out and play like us did before. Our lawn is Zoysia Grass. They both roll around like a couple of kittens.
Foot has brought me a "present" already. I cried for about 1/2 hour. He marked me before we were married!! Sleeping away at Sandy's place and I was awoken by a change of a sheet. Sandy said that she knew I was one for her after that. I didn't even know that for about a month afterwards.

Well, I'll call this a good first post. MUCH MORE TO COME!!